Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi...
mct_1087 27
You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car.
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Comments (62)
rdenkewicz 11
Why so many ydi's? You would want to throw both a stick and a lizard out of your car.
The_Avatar 22
Only in the deep south
novapine 19
I found a lizard in my closet that had died in the summer. It looked like a stick too.
badgercheese94 16
Good lord that is my worst nightmare
coldwar252 13
You deserve it for throwing a stick outside? Really guys?
biohazardpanda 2
Really? just a dead lizard? worse things could happen. F the lizards life.
Johnnycake23 42
Broken Lizard's Club Dread part 2!
dragonkisses28 25
At least it wasn't a dead snake?
Maggi_1997 15
Why the **** have so many people people voted ydi on this one? It would be truly horrible if you are a person who's too scared of lizards and bugs in general.
Namenlos_fml 20
And in the parallel FML universe: "Today, I was minding my own business when I heard a startled yell. I turned my head towards the noise, just in time to get hit in the face by a dead lizard."