Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi...
mct_1087 27
You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car.
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Comments (62)
cheeeksss 29
I am hoping you weren't driving while this happened. I know if it were me, I'd freak out and perhaps swerve off the road :
brandoneyez1 25
Pull twigs off trees not the ground. Safest way.
brandoneyez1 25
This was a second post about a stick in the yard. The other was dry poop.
originaljosh 11
reread the fml it says it was in his car not the ground
sexy28 4
#20 if you paid attention instead of trying to correct him you'd realize he was relating this fml to a previous one yesterday.
iTzSelverZz 14
The lizard only wanted a home :(
Smooth_Criminal 24
who knew dead animals needed a place to live?
ThatLobster 24
Ew. Yuck op :P. This is the funniest thing I've seen all night!! I just hope you weren't driving.
myeverydaymylife 21
I live in Australia, and trust me, there are way worser things you could pick up..
biebahood 15
I couldn't help but notice that "worser"
brasiliano 16
Picking on people's grammar online? I'm sorry to interrupt were you still writing? I see no punctuation at the end of you sentence.
biebahood 15
I don't intend to nag... but I didn't know politely correcting people on the net was a crime
R2Y2 22
It's really annoying, and conveys you have nothing better to do with your time.
Isandri 29
@ #27 it's not like being on this site is particularly productive ;)
JKW35 21
'You' ....
False_Stupidity 42
Yeah, I was expecting it to be a snake or something a little more deadly.
iwanttogotoparis 26
You got nothing on Australian wildlife, believe me, the spiders suck!!
badgercheese94 16
I have a massive phobia of lizards and would prefer a spider :p
badluckalex 23
hell no **** spiders... you cant die from a lizard
squideth 18
Yes you can. Gila monster, Komodo dragon, all kinds of monitors can kill you... Also most spiders aren't especially dangerous to you unless you're allergic to their venom.
mct_1087 27
You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car.
chinaski7628 32
My guess is that it was alive when it got in there.
False_Stupidity 42
Yeah but you still have to wonder how it got in.
sstahpp 33
How adorable.
biebahood 15
how could you not recognize a "stick" with tiny limbs
year2015 11
as stick is a limb. from a tree.
vikky538 29
and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi...
whyisitincapital 25
My thoughts exactly
RoboCunnilingus 23
Hive mind. It'll continue to get YDIs simply because it already has a bunch.
Amama_fml 30
Sometimes I press YDI by mistake and then feel really guilty if the OP doesn't deserve it. First world problems...