Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML
Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML
Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML
Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML
Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML
Adding insult to injury
Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Pile on
Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML
Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML
Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML
Top comments
howslife123 0
F the lizards life!!
Tyler12108 0
poor lizard :'(
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (261)
emeraldchicky 0
first
ChibiMONSTER 0
poor u and poor lizzard
WCARlover 35
you* and lizard*
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
alright mate, this biker could have saved $100 by switching to geico, 15 minutes could save you *splat*
shortstuffs23 7
haha, made me laugh. (:
MagicGiraffe 12
poor bike...
Dasuss 11
Well don't you just feel special? I bet when you die, the two people that show up to celebrate your funeral will talk about all the amazing accomplishments you've made in your life. Like how you corrected some guy's spelling on a FML post.
Captain_Zorro 7
hahahahaa I have been waiting for someone to say that
hotchicklover 0
the lizard was obviously gay and was tormented by the other lizards so he commited suicide. or ur jus retarded and can't ride a bike
Turner_22 0
Same here.
CadaverFart 0
dang that sucks man
ImFrackinBored 13
Dammit... now how am i supposed to get geico?
pooyoyo 0
it said he swerved and hit a tree to avoid hitting a LIZARD.
Iamnotmyself 17
You idiot I had been talking to him for 14 minutes for my cheap insurance! ONE MORE YOU JERK.
The_Weirdo 10
You know he has cavemen buddy's right? They will find you, and will do their primitive 'rituals' to you.
dolphincheddar 10
at least you tried! besides I heard lizards can grow their tails and limbs back. not to sure about head tho
yummayy_ 11
Mmm...Dinner:)
pooyoyo 0
sorry wrong place I was commenting on my comment and it lagged
ImNotAHomosexual 3
Okay. I definitely read that as *Wizard... You guys cleared that up for me though.
cameycamcam 7
Geico lizard is a geko not a lizard. just sayin.
theaws0m3guy 4
Lol this reminds me of that FML about the car swerving and hitting a tree but the other car hits the squirrel.
knocking 0
A gecko is a type of lizard...
ienjoithinqs 0
atleast it can have fun I animal heaven with the frog ?
shelbygordon44 7
RIP lizard....
Rachel8869 0
Aww poor lizard
pooyoyo 0
sorry I lagged >:(
JoeTheMan12 0
Gieco can save you 15% if you call in the next .... oh shit where's Gieco?
lmfao1643 3
Op was scared of PETA.
ChickenInMyKitch 4
What's Gieco?
2ndSucks 15
Gieco is a komodo dragon with a large penis.
Link5794 18
Gecko is a type of lizard, dumbass. Just saying.
dolphincheddar 10
i don't understand why people made lane geico jokes which turned into a debate whether it was a lizard. it doesn't even matter lol. im more sorry for this lizard that got it's ass trampled than some made up lizard that caused people to cry over trolls
Kennzz 0
I've never understood why people will swerve to avoid hitting an animal. i get that the OP was only on a bicycle but people in cars die every year from swerving away from a squirrel and hitting a tree. How dumb are people.! I mean I don't WANT to hit a squirrel or a rabbit or even a dog but if it's dumb enough to cross the road then why should I give up my life or potentially put my life in danger to save an animal.
jamie72596 9
That's true, but I think it's sometimes just out of instinct to swerve to avoid whatever is in your path, even if you know not to.
SoccerRebel594 0
If you aren't speeding and have enough warning then you can easily brake, unless it risks putting other human lives in danger. I'd brake and swerve to avoid hitting something as big as a dog.
EvilPotato 15
those EvilLizards are everywhere in Florida who cares if one dies.
skullman870 1
thats you third post and you still get negative votes
aFatFuck 0
lol
leearm104 4
crazy... you're from irmo? I go to Clemson. first time that I've noticed someone from around here on fml.
toastyjustice 5
NOOO RANGOOOO! D:
fanceh 10
yeahhh. bike > lizard.
Iamaninchworm 0
LOL. atleast it wasn't a turtle and atleast you didnt swerve into a tree. =)
SeaMen 3
lol if u take out the name of the company u just said "the lizard is a geko not a lizard"
SeaMen 3
1- it's natural instinct to avoid hitting something or running into something that appears randomly 2. "I'd dumb enough" I'm sorry that we didn't teach animals to look both ways before crossing a road...it's natural for them to roam around anywhere unlike the complete opposite of driving a car....but some ppl have extreme reactions which is unacceptable
Tyler12108 0
poor lizard :'(
agaba 0
yea smooth move ex-lax!
VickyStar 7
agreed poor lizard.
SmallTownCutie 0
Have you ever lived in Florida? It's not a 'poor lizard', don't worry. Those things are evil, and they're EVERYWHERE.
hoodasswhitekid 0
Yeah way to go Keith Stone
ryanst 7
What about the bike? It was about to get it's insurance from the lizard. Now it's going to get ringworm from the cat it hit in the bush.
reptileguy1296 0
179, the lizards in Florida were here before all of us, but the ones that you say are "evil and everywhere" I suspect are the possibly non native(there is debate) Green Iguana (6 ft. long), Argentine Tegu (5 ft.), Nile Monitor Lizard(6-8 ft.) and various of the family Agamidae. They are invasive, but they didn't choose to be in Florida, we put them there. What we may call vicious is them doing all they know how to do: survive.
AustinCarlile01 12
look I just commend OP for making such an effort!
pooyoyo 0
At least you tried to save the poor lizard
xShannonxSammyx 7
A gecko is not a lizard. It is a completely different animal.
pooyoyo 0
wow can you read ?
yummayy_ 11
What? Where did it say gecko?
smurfsarwales 9
maybe 15 is originally blonde but died her hair 0.o
SOlarPanel348 0
he definitely gets an A for effort
shutupYDI 4
I'm sure she was referring to #8's gecko comment... but that guess is only based on common sense so I don't know for sure.
HollyDolly660 8
If you read 15's profile, it states that she is in fact a bag of chips. That is why the comment doesn't make sense. Chips don't always make sense. Or sometimes they come in twos.
MissAwesomeness 4
15 was trying to respond to 8's comment. but still... 15, you fail.
NAU_future 7
Regardless of who 15 was replying to... I'm still trying to figure out when gecko's stopped being a lizard. Or at least understand the required IQ level needed to take a gecko an turn it into it's own animal as well as it's own species classification.
jayfish7 0
15 - Actually, you're wrong. Lizards and geckos are EXTREMELY similar. Their Kingdoms, Phlya, Classes, and Orders are all the same (Animalia, Chordata, Reptilia, and Squamata respectively). They are only different in Family, Genus, and Species. In fact, most lizard breeds have differing Families, Genuses, and Specieses from other lizards; the same goes for geckos.
jayfish7 0
species* I suck at pre-reading.
FC_Barcelona 0
even thought they are the same in the domain, kingdom, phylum, class,and order the family genus and species are the deciding factors, they are actually significantly different, geckos brains are much more different, they are actually ganglia, not brain and even though I have, lizards and geckos cannot be compared, lizards are classified in the order while geckos are classified in the genus
detab 0
where did it say gecko 15??
markiesharkie 0
hey I'm blonde!
idontcare8l 3
yes 15 we know , but did he say gecko?!
idontcare8l 3
also 15 , you and this creature called the fml dumb ass are very similar
howslife123 0
F the lizards life!!
SugarCrazy 14
The life that is now non-existent?
2ndSucks 15
Precisely.
hiflier1012 3
Ikr? it's like, Today I was waking across the street when some crazy person on a bike came and ran me over. FML
imaberry95 0
50 points!
gottaluvisabella 0
that lisards family is gonna come and kill you
Shayton 12
next time just run over the animal.
flossybaben 0
maybe they should run over you, I would laugh.
Possum_Gurl 13
i agree just hit the damn animal, clean off your tire, and continue riding..
Iamnotmyself 17
-95 I'm glad you don't care what people think of you, from your couple of comments, you'd probably be depressed.
Lstands4LOSER 0
Yeah, run over the thing. Only for the left over guts to splatter all over your damn face. KARMA bitch.
StudMuffinette 17
95- I get how people would want to hit the damn thing, but your username has a victim of roadkill in it.
boomersooner42 0
dude you have issues
Salvikidd 6
asshole..
ChuckNorris141 0
don't see why people care it's a damn lizard, if you just hit it you and your bike would be fine but a tiny animal that can't even think wouldn't be
tacocannon99 5
possum girl is an emo, attention ***** fag who thinks people respect her for her lack of care for others opinions about her. well when she gets her 15 minutes of fame from recieving angry butt sex from vin deasel.
KiddNYC1O 22
136- What are you talking about? That "tiny animal" is always looking to save you money. It's thinking alright.
leemurcat 5
I believe that a moment of silence is in order.
Yarrachel 16
You killed the Geico gecko!
bigbadtim 7
Don't worry, I'm sure he had insurance.
party_rockin 4
Now he can't save me money on my car insurance :/
SugarCrazy 14
The Most Interesting Man In The World doesn't need car insurance.
kmumma 3
pieces? how many?
sxcthaigirl 6
2, perhaps?
Kill_Kayt 5
I find it moe interesting that he skinned himself.. It's not often you see someone with no skin
DerpenErrday 0
OVER 9000!!
CommonSenseKarma 17
... 9001??
maffy4ever 8
Atleast you tried.