Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML
Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML
Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML
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Top comments
sushi_samurai 3
Warning: lame joke below. That mouse has his eye on you...
nancem 7
Evidently fear is not a factor for you!
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Comments (149)
nancem 7
Evidently fear is not a factor for you!
cookie_3008 4
Gag* xP
grmnxsensati0n 4
ewwwwwwww thats nastyy
rexgar2000 10
good! put it in a good eyeball soup with some garlic... yumm
USMC_FTW 3
At least its not in ur bread box anymore
swimchica22 0
An eye for an eye?
alsnyder12 0
Note: When cleaning mouse remains, be sure to pick up and examine further.
crotchitch 0
Haha! 54, you beat me to it x)
CookieMonstr19 0
23- Say It In The Clevland Voice!
nishant5456 0
Moral : don't squeeze round things unless you want stuff all over your face.
mlb58 0
Eye must say, that's a bummer! :)
ZebcoGirl 0
That's what OP gets for having a cat in the house
iceshard01 10
Why? I was eating fucktard! (This is a joke and I'm talking to op)
sushi_samurai 3
Warning: lame joke below. That mouse has his eye on you...
Notimetobleed 14
Eye thought you might have said something like that 2.
tsim_fml 0
5 - no idiot you fail
Llama_Face89 34
5- that comment certainly does your picture justice.
flockz 20
don't lash out at him for making a bad joke. i'll take him in as my pupil and teach him.
flockz 20
afterall everyone makes a cornea joke once in awhile.
Notimetobleed 14
Twas supposed to be corny, most puns are corny.
Torva_fml 16
Flockz, goodluck teaching this one! $5 if his comments become entertaining by next week, hold me to it.
False_Stupidity 42
Eye see what you did there Flockz !
MariahDot 0
He acknowledged the lameness . It's not that lame . Mooooveee onnnnnnnn
Denny1 15
Thnx for the warning
roswelluga 4
an eye for your eyes :)
Groucho_fml 5
That seems unfair
CoconutSoup 5
You better get it checked out... Cuz you know... Rabies :(
Llama_Face89 34
Not every wild animal has rabies. It's not as common as people seem to think. If the cat starts acting strange, yea get checked. Cats will tend to avoid another animal with rabies though.
FYLDeep 26
You're better safe then sorry. If you start showing symptoms of rabies, it's already too late. They may be able to save your life, but you'll at least have some kind of permanent damage afterwards.
FYLDeep 26
I would have just said that it's too late to effectively treat if you show signs of rabies, but I do live the state where they saved the first person's life who wasn't treated immediately after the bite. This happened not even a decade ago, and only 5 additional people have survived the treatment since. So in summary, if you don't treat it right away, your chances are pretty grim. Even if there's a 99 percent chance you don't contract rabies, is it really worth the 1 percent chance that you die from an entirely preventable disease?
pimpcakes2 11
It was probably a parasite that lived in the mouse!! You would've recognized an eye wouldn't you?? Maybe it was a fly larva, depending how long it was there! Gross!
mfazi456 7
Mmhmm because an eyeball has rabies. Stupidest comment ever
tylersign 11
That had to have been a HUGE mouse..
Zareen 0
All I can say to this FML is EWWWWWW xP
mycheese 0
Gross icky yucky nasty disgusting grody
Fmn123 8
Damn, I'm sitting here on FML, whislt easting dinner, I see this and now I can't eat it. I'm eating breaded Chicken balls. Thanks.
loserman67 36
Now come on, you had to realize that you were going to get grief for saying you were eating "breaded chicken balls" -- did you do this on purpose? Why just Chicken balls? penises all gone?
mjd748 0
You should know better than to read FML while eating. C'mon.
Calia061908 4
Why the hell would you squeeze it ?
J3R3MYY 14
He obviously wanted to find out if it was solid.. or not.
Llama_Face89 34
I know right? They should have explained in the original post! Oh...they did? Well. Seems you're just an idiot.
Calia061908 4
Um if I was cleaning ****** rat remains I wouldnt be stupid enough to try an do any research on any of the remains !! That's ******* gross ! Hellooooooo ???
SystemofaBlink41 27
Who doesn't want to squeeze round objects?
babiebuntin 7
That must have been delicious! :$
DallasMavs 3
Now that's just nasty!
windfuelsfire 10
You look like one hell of a gangster.
robertlovespi 3
Yay for the gangsta tools!
justanotherrando_fml 2
Grose!
flockz 20
ew, bad spelling. that's gross.