Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, some dumbass ripped my facemask off, spit in my face, and ran away. FML
Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML
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Top comments
narkill 13
Well. That's very...disturbing...
SpamPam 18
I hope he had pants on
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Comments (152)
buddy51 23
At least he was able to keep from falling asleep after he finished, OP! And, as he fled down the street, he could heard to say "Was it good for you too, OP? Was it good for you too???"
Dave_Davington 34
I hate it when that happens.
countrychick19 4
This happens often to you?
golden_warrior 23
I think he put the coin there and u walked right into his trap
Fluffydemise 18
Attempted sodomy? In the street? In broad daylight? By a NINJA? What are the odds.
ItsAUnicorn 27
It would be even more disturbing if u were a guy
dogpup4 23
No it wouldn't.
Amama_fml 30
It says he IS a guy.
Joshwarrior 39
so will you ever pick up money again or do you have a price now? I think a hundred would be tempting.
Hawaii84 16
Creep! That's sexual assault.
perdix 31
Do you mean three pelvic thrusts, because three complete humpings could take about six minutes, including breaks?
Wizardo 34
Duff Man seems to be on a rampage as of recent...
RedPillSucks 33
With your hand on your hips. You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust. They really drive you insane. Let's do the Time Warp again.
olpally 33
Happy hump day op! Was it Steve-o from jackass? Lol.
jackiemora 18
I wonder what the sex of the OP is. Whether it would the situation worse or not.