Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, some dumbass ripped my facemask off, spit in my face, and ran away. FML
Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML
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Top comments
narkill 13
Well. That's very...disturbing...
SpamPam 18
I hope he had pants on
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Comments (152)
kernelkat 16
That's cra cra. I'd call the police.
ZodiacalComa7 11
From now on, kneel down to stoop.
jhicks123 10
Heh heh. Sorry was that you? (Insert awkward face here)
jackaced 7
His face? Would it have been better if he was hot?
Ypetrol 11
I mean today is National Hump Day
TisAPenguin 16
Ew. Sounds like my ex. Which is one reason he's my ex...
ShakeDisPlace 10
You should of did the "bend, and snap" OP.
TiffGreen 11
you should bend at the knee not waist... especially in public!
MattieJH 12
Well that's... Eventful? Happy hump day, I suppose? On the bright side, Wednesday is also Jenna Marbles day, so you can just go home and watch her rant to cheer you up :3
Lawlsacopter 6
Happy Hump Day!