Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for "the trouble" I caused. FML
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
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Top comments
MikuandKaito 24
Aw, I hope that woman was okay. Sorry to hear about the sexual harassment too, OP. Seriously, why is it so difficult for some people to keep their dirty hands to themselves?
Melvin Lucrane 5
I feel sorry for the grandma. Sucks to be her.
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Comments (25)
MikuandKaito 24
Aw, I hope that woman was okay. Sorry to hear about the sexual harassment too, OP. Seriously, why is it so difficult for some people to keep their dirty hands to themselves?
Melvin Lucrane 5
I feel sorry for the grandma. Sucks to be her.
jbuckets_404 39
OP, next time kick/ knee him in the nuts.... (Sheesh per perv!)
ma19m 14
that would be sexual assault. that would be basically be like what the man did to her
Razell 13
Self-defense, man.
Razell 13
Also (since we apparently cant edit any more) I really hate the "If you kill* him you will be just like him" trope. It has a far more limited applicability than it is ever given, and ignore the fact that sometimes returning [action] for [action] is the only way to <i>permanently</i> convince the original aggressor to <i>stop</i>. *replace "kill" with whatever thematically appropriate action one is attempting to persuade the other to not do.
gsouther 11
Next time call the police . Grabbing your ass is sexual assault . It's not ok !
Inkoseh 33
The phrase "Look before you Leap" applies here. Always look first! I'm sorry it happened. I'm assuming he got away. He deserved to be charged for that. I hope the woman is OK too!
Xeebar 28
I want to know more about what happened.
Infrno 10
next time, turn around, flirt a little then knee him in the nuts. much more effective than turning and swinging.
dextroz 8
What were you wearing? Also, that Grandma should be writing an FML entry here too.
Brightbulb 40
why does it matter what she was wearing? yea there are proven correlations between what is written and harassment, but that still does not make it right. Shame on you for implying it does. and I agree Grandma needs to make an FML too.
GhostFox 34
And you have proven your jackassery with that one "question." Sexual assault, be it groping or anything else, is never appropriate. Putting the blame on anyone except the attacker degrades the victim, and shifts the blame to the victim rather than the person who refuses to rein in their impulses- which, there is no excuse for.
Razell 13
So what is the target of the assault supposed to do? Scream? Cry? Piss herself? Punching the jackass who grabbed her is perfectly appropriate response. Punching a random bystander is not. She did the right thing, but she needs to improve her aim. Telling her to practice her target selection in not "blaming" her for being a victim.
DanielleinDC 34
I bet this guy has done this before and knows to duck when he assaults a woman.
DanielleinDC 34
It doesn't matter what she was wearing; nobody has the right to grab her body without her permission.
RockPrincess26 16
Today, I went to the mall. While in line, a pervert grabbed the rear of a woman in front of him. She turned around to punch him. He ducked. I got hit instead. FML
species4872 20
Clearly our ass grabber is quite experienced at this.