Username
United States
Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff
United States
Strange metric
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Anonymous
Romania
Careless and carefree
Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML
sad fat drunk
Boozehound
Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
anonymous
Chicago, United States
Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML
CreeptacularBait
Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML
LadyJane
Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML
Anonymous
Health is overrated
Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML
Lou
United Kingdom
Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML
PickYourselfUp
Chesapeake, United States
New day, same shit
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
Top comments
griffin4 0
like the penguin. he too waddles
marijuanasmoker4 3
You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.
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Comments (382)
indistructo 3
great reason.... he said sarcastically
iLube 0
Masturbating is supposed to be a calorie burning activitiy
EVELYNandDIEGO 0
so ever since you lost weight you got weaker ?
zowieandzander77 1
how the hell did you get that from the fml??? The OP is overweight and has trouble walking fast... therefor it's hard for he/she to cross the street before the light turns green...
EVELYNandDIEGO 0
actually people who are on pills to lose weight abscond work out try get skinny and weak cause they did no work out throw out the pill!
EVELYNandDIEGO 0
and I was asking him/her
leeshxx 3
people are ******* idiots
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Hahahahaha wow. I'll be shaking my head for a long, long time.
zowieandzander77 1
"try get skinny" " did no work out"??? that's way more than a typo. For the record the OP never mentioned pills... for the sake of humanity go back to school
darkmis1 18
Yeah, I have no idea what 96 said.
SolarGirl32 6
Some people just should not be allowed to comment
mk58 31
I wish you luck on controlling your weight issues! Remember that even if you might be slow at crossing the crosswalk right now, at least you see that this is a health issue and that you are making an effort to fix it.
B4K3S0L1D 0
good luck with that. *cough cough*
laurabev 9
Ahaha, brilliant boners xD
ImTotallyAsian 0
Lol!!
allanaskye 0
I've seen you on yt
ImTotallyAsian 0
Oh you have?
s3xymoma 1
how is this a fml
saIty 17
Whose Snorlax got out of his pokeball?
buttnuggets 0
word.
cgchamp89 7
Those must be some wide streets. Even old people in wheel chairs or with cains can cross the street fast enough...
lolmaster7654321 4
canes.......
cgchamp89 7
Ah yes... canes............... forgot to throw in there that I hate grammar Nazis. You obviously knew what I meant. How do you sleep at night?