Username
United States
Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff
United States
Strange metric
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Anonymous
Romania
Careless and carefree
Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML
sad fat drunk
Boozehound
Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
anonymous
Chicago, United States
Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML
CreeptacularBait
Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML
LadyJane
Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML
Anonymous
Health is overrated
Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML
Lou
United Kingdom
Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML
PickYourselfUp
Chesapeake, United States
New day, same shit
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
Top comments
griffin4 0
like the penguin. he too waddles
marijuanasmoker4 3
You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.
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Comments (382)
ultrabroski 0
winner status
looopylemon 0
dont drink soda! only water
Dino1234 0
or you could just be a normal person and have a CAR, or you could even... this might be too strange, move to a better place that doesn't have walk across'
ihasbrains 10
You're ******* stupid. First of all, you don't need a ******* car to drive across a crossroad. It's called walking, and it's this amazing thing that people have two legs to do, to get places whilst burning calories. Second, you haven't considered that, oh shit, maybe the place OP is walking to isn't right ******* next to their house! Because wow, this might be too strange, but most people can't move right next to malls, and shopping centers, and so on.
PadillaMonster 0
haha this guy ******* owned you ^^
perdix 31
You have no worries -- no one will hit a fattie with their car. The collision will cause too much damage. It's the same reason no one hits a moose on purpose.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Dammit, beat me to the moose joke.
RapeWhistle 0
hahah ! FYL.
lilmisslovely13 15
at least you're losing it!
dark_path 0
seriously? is it the only reason you want to lose weight? not because you want guys to hit on/check you out all the time?
cab227 2
I have no sympathy for you. YDI
Slipknot666Maggo 0
fyl. that sucks :(
sykokitti 15
lmfao thats hilarious! im sorry! but hey any kind of motivation is good...