Username
United States
Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff
United States
Strange metric
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Anonymous
Romania
Careless and carefree
Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML
sad fat drunk
Boozehound
Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
anonymous
Chicago, United States
Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML
CreeptacularBait
Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML
LadyJane
Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML
Anonymous
Health is overrated
Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML
Lou
United Kingdom
Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML
PickYourselfUp
Chesapeake, United States
New day, same shit
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
Top comments
griffin4 0
like the penguin. he too waddles
marijuanasmoker4 3
You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.
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Comments (382)
josebeto1 6
hah
crunchycereal 0
I wanted to be first comment >:(
darkmis1 18
Then don't wait......
sterlingarcher 1
hahahhhahahhahaa
Katie_the_Great 6
31 couldn't that of just been your own comment. Instead of replying to 1 and writing the same thing?
catrav77 0
31 - she just told you.
clarkie_boi_8494 0
or you could eat more and end up a hood ornament
iamfreakinkylie 0
;D
mk58 31
The reason she replied to 1 is BECAUSE she wanted to post a continuation of the same thing.
sterlingarcher 1
34.. no.. lol I wrote the same thing on purpose...
laurabev 9
37 looks like a fat Russell brand :D
TookaWooka666 0
Maybe start running accross the crosswalks instead of just lazily waddling accross them.
clarkie_boi_8494 0
The Biggest Loser: Crosswalk Edition
urdirtyolduncle 15
Whale
DrewSmooth 0
34. she wanted to continue it so someone else could continue it, then some no life loser could come and combo break it.
skyttlz 32
so I'm only 118 pounds and I can only make it halfway before it starts flashing
Melvar_10 3
OP is a fatty mcfat fat
cyanidesandwich 21
I lost the game.
sterlingarcher 1
83 yeah pretty much.. lol
a_cassie 4
I'm with ya 91! :D
kofinater 3
so the op is losing weight because the weight was interfering with mobility? pretty legit reason if you ask me.
lolololololroffl 0
hahahaha your fat
sterlingarcher 1
116 lol who's fat?
sterlingarcher 1
OMG im sorry haha I'm a little slow sometimes.. it's been a long day :D
swimmerstud 7
I don't make the crosswalk and I'm skinny
sterlingarcher 1
haha
bengermin 5
I wear diapers. ha!
sterlingarcher 1
alrighty then ^^
staceysgenesis16 0
hmm .. aaaallllrighty thenn
iamfreakinkylie 0
you sexy
SoccerRebel594 0
This is not Fbook you naive, gramatically incorrect prostetot!!!
livin_plur 0
no u sexy
ImTotallyAsian 0
You Sexy?? WTF
mfjkr 10
my dp sexy
staceysgenesis16 0
wtf ... whos sexy ??
sterlingarcher 1
I'm not sure but I think everyone is referring to 1.. maybe?
staceysgenesis16 0
ohhh i see i see lol ... i guess .. but they might be refferriinngg toooo me or you :D lmfao
sterlingarcher 1
265... hahaha probably more you than me lol ;)..
staceysgenesis16 0
267 no wayyy why u say thattt ???!! lolol pssshh look at u n ur sexy shades !! ahahhhh ;D
sterlingarcher 1
268 ahaha no way man..
leeshxx 3
*sits back and waits for mods to not so politely remind everyone this isn't a dating website*
sterlingarcher 1
272.. woah.. we were just playing around..
staceysgenesis16 0
272 yea we were just messin around relaxxx !! lolol
leeshxx 3
hey u don't need to convince me :) just the mods
leeshxx 3
there you go they were polite they just deleted the comments
sterlingarcher 1
278.. lol too late.. it's gone now haha :P
staceysgenesis16 0
ahah okayyy okayy , lolol
pertained 12
it's either lose weight or death, lol
staceysgenesis16 0
hahaha .... i like ur hair DOOD lolol :P
sterlingarcher 1
zomg me too ^^
LairaIsKindaCool 6
haha me three !
frodoman 13
hey stacy. how goes it
Redneck68 0
jb ftw
bubble25_fml 5
I don't see how that is a bad reason to want to loose weight tbh.... btw op, gl on loosing that way so u can cross the streets like a pro!
cupcakemann95 7
I do not get it
JoshpointO 0
then you are retarded
cupcakemann95 7
I have read it 50 times and I just don't get it, does he lose the weight while walking?
sandracore 15
he or she is really fat, which results in walking reeeally slow. so slow that he can't get to the other side before the light turns red again
sandracore 15
he or she is really fat, which results in walking reeeally slow. so slow that he can't get to the other side before the light turns red again
TheWindowLicker 13
He is humiliated that he can't cross the crosswalk before the timer thing ends, which is his motivation for wanting to lose weight. Well, that's how I read it anyway.
mfmylifesrsly 30
holy shit. this is the stupidest fml ever.
jazziness 12
dont worry 2 I didn't get it either
ishmail2000 4
It is poorly worded, but I read it (eventually) as 25 did.
Heather_x0x0 6
I didn't get it until I read 24's comment...but seriously this FML is poorly written...
Melvar_10 3
I don't make it on time either and I'm average weight. those damn crosswalk lights change too fast >^
TigerWoods101 0
94 I'm a deadmau5 fan too :D
leeshxx 3
are u all serious? you didn't understand it. fuuu people are dumb
Melvar_10 3
All 2 people??? yes..... All those 2 people don't understand.
leeshxx 3
naw you can't count that's so cute. double it honey bunch and go back to school. your ****** stupid to.
mattmadden 0
#114 I have never been a grammar nazi but for being such a bitch and calling others stupid I believe you used the word "to" wrong. You used the word "to" which is a preposition instead of "too" which is used when naming more than one things that are similar. Your welcome.
leeshxx 3
119, see that banana in your picture? go choke on it :)
TheWindowLicker 13
119 I'm on your side; but you forgot to correct the most infamous of mistakes here on fml... you're (not your) :D
mattmadden 0
Haha oh crap well that just proves I can't be a grammar nazi. But sorry #120 I already tried that and it didn't work. Any other suggestions?
leeshxx 3
you have made 28 comments and you think you know all the infamous mistakes. baby you have so much to learn. **** off noob :)
mattmadden 0
Um excuse me I'm still waiting for my suggestions.
leeshxx 3
matt, shove it up your ass sideways. then get a gerbil to push it up for you. if that don't work then ask boners for help. he won't mind. besides I think he mentioned somewhere else about having gerbils on steroids.
gtwerd 0
106 seems angry...
mattmadden 0
Haha ok. :D
leeshxx 3
129, when you are around for as long as me you will understand why I'm angry. there are so many people with the brain capacity of a toilet brush on this site it pisses you off. believe it or not I was once a nice person...
gtwerd 0
why be angry thought it's just fml.. cnt get mad over every idiot on here..
leeshxx 3
135, I'm assuming your new? I will go easy on you then, piss off. in the nicest sense possible :)
gtwerd 0
not new just dnt see what you can prove by ranting on the FML site but whatever floats your boat I guess.. enjoy
leeshxx 3
don't worry love I will. FYI you just contradicted yourself in that comment. have a think about it.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Lulz at all the people who had to read it more than once to comprehend it.
mattmadden 0
Ok seriously #140 what are you trying to prove? That you're smarter than everyone? That you own FML? That you can trash talk on the Internet?
TheWindowLicker 13
125, I know of them because I have been on fml for quite a while now(easily over a year, maybe 2). I only made this account when I got my iPhone and decided I wanted to start commenting, instead of just reading them. Now I will feed you no more, troll.
EatnBeef 7
what happened 132? your partially the definition of a bitch right now.
leeshxx 3
have you choked on that banana yet? obviously not you can still type.. darling the only people who own this website are the moderators. I'm sure it won't take you Long to meet them ;)
leeshxx 3
beef, this is what happens when you are surrounded by stupid people :(
mattmadden 0
I feel so threatened. :/
Person1233 13
Leeshxx, you're acting like you have done nothing wrong here. There is more to life then thrusting down on a home-made ***** while venting your bottled up thoughts on FML. Stop being a bitch.
afdude87 6
*hangs up a sign that says "please refrain from feeding the trolls."*
griffin4 0
like the penguin. he too waddles
tsim_fml 0
does your tattoos say "**** bitches. Get money."?
CateXOX 0
I imagined OP rolling, not waddling.
Kn0wledge123 21
They see OP rollin', they hatin'.
lakeybalboa 0
175 its from a rap song
jacobepaps12345 0
disregard females aquire currency
staceysgenesis16 0
mhmmm ....
SoccerRebel594 0
I like how number 3 looks so intense and pumped with his tattooed biceps, but there is a walling hanging behind him that says relax.
livin_plur 0
hahaha 233 wins most creative if my opinion counts 4 anythin :P
jacobepaps12345 0
242 thannks haha :)
ReynshineCutting 10
You know you're just embarrassing yourself posing. 1) you don't have the body for it and 2) your form is terrible. That's one of the worst front double bis I've ever seen.
staceysgenesis16 0
guys and their abs .. ahahh .. lolol xD
sterlingarcher 1
agreed ^^
rogueprincess69 0
wiener
staceysgenesis16 0
ur pic is ... wonderful ...
leeshxx 3
I wonder who will get caught with the same ab photo first?
staceysgenesis16 0
hmmmm good questionnn .. lolol
sterlingarcher 1
284.. who?? lol
staceysgenesis16 0
ohhh !! i was reffering to 282 with a sarcastic remark :D lmfao
sterlingarcher 1
290... hahahahaha omfg !! :D
staceysgenesis16 0
291 ROFLMFAO!!! >:] muahaha
sterlingarcher 1
297...ZOMGROFLLMFAOBBQ!! mwahahahaha :P
staceysgenesis16 0
bahahhaha XD i lol'd at the BBQ part :D ROFL !!! never thought of that one!
sterlingarcher 1
lol haha LMFAO I just made it up!! lol :D
staceysgenesis16 0
OMG thats awsomesaucetasticness !!!!! :D lolololll
sterlingarcher 1
haha that's soamazinglysupercalifradulisticfantasticlyfunny!! :))
staceysgenesis16 0
hahahaha OHHH DAAMMNN heree we goo :P lololol !! thats hilarious xD i havnt heard that in forever
sterlingarcher 1
lol I'm just that awesome to remember it haha jk jk :P
staceysgenesis16 0
bahaha !! pssh well u must be !! cuz i kno i qasnt lolol !! xD
sterlingarcher 1
haha no way.. your way awesomer!!! ahaha :D
staceysgenesis16 0
hahaha !!pssshh noooo !! how can u say that when ur CLEARLY the awsomer one here xD
sterlingarcher 1
baha lol no way I think you need glasses so you can CLEARLY see that your the aweskmest one!!! :D
jakeisawake 3
So basically I'm the creeping guy that refreshes to find out which one of you comes up with the most random make of words... I'm amused with the tie.
sterlingarcher 1
330... lol so.. we both win??
jakeisawake 3
Ha, don't stop now. Especially since a random douche wants you to.
sterlingarcher 1
haha I'm not stopping .. just waiting for her to respond..lol!! :)
jakeisawake 3
Ah, I mean... That does make sense; not stopping, just paused. Maybe you have her stumped, and she doesn't have any more randuhnomical words. In that case, you win?
sterlingarcher 1
woohoo.. I win.. mwahahaha ;)
MizzErikaHart 8
anyways abs on profiles with no face..
RaineLee 5
339 - Yeah, and one even said he's 14 on his profile.
afdude87 6
I think I lost brain cells reading all that. :/
TookaWooka666 0
Raaawflecopterchickensandwhich.
chrstygrl06 10
Omgzilovecookies!!
ReynshineCutting 10
...and 242 has no arms (and apparently no face) and 247 is at least somewhat proportional but still too small (and also has no face). So many silly boys posing when they just don't quite have what it takes. Keep hitting the weights boys. One day you might be worthy.
cgchamp89 7
Yeah it's funny how they show abs and no face... tools.
LaidToRest48 9
Stupid ugly tats...
sandracore 15
even old people, walking with a stick can make it..
Garyy_fml 11
I've never really seen an old person crossing the street. In cartoons and stuff they make it seem like "Oh no! old lady needs help crossing the street! I'll help you lady! 'Thank you sinny'"
Garyy_fml 11
Oops I mean sonny. THE "I" AND "O" ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER I HATE THAT!
leeshxx 3
way to go over board. it's ok you corrected yourself. you're safe from grammar nazis
jakeisawake 3
I don't see anyone making it... It's like ******* Frogger crossing those streets. You are bound to run into some asshole turning right on red blaring his horn at you.
Docbee 11
108 nowadays old people would go "Ahhh thieves, murderers! Take out the dentures!"
uncbballwins 0
189- That's when you flip them off and cross anyways. You have the right of way and if they hit you, courts award big money for that shit.
jakeisawake 3
Sheeit; I'm the asshole blaring the horn, but I'm smart enough not to hit them, so they can't sue me.
Randuhh_17 4
hell! I wish some douche blew the horn and acted like a duck, while it was my turn to go. the light says it's my turn to go, so I'm gonna go! idgaf...road rage is nasty.
eatmyshortssss1 8
nice eyebrows, do you get those threaded or waxed?
jakeisawake 3
I'm going to assume you mean me because I get that alot... I can proudly say I don't do shit to my eyebrows. They just don't do that ****** up, caveman unibrow bush thing. Now the rest of my face? I Proglide everyday.
crunchycereal 0
lollol
sweetTnt_fml 0
LOL I never seen the flu games so small
XxbrokeNCYDExX 6
o_o
DreaminOfMusic 0
what's that supposed to mean anyway?
comepoopwithme 0
an o followed by a _ followed by another o is code for "indeed you should lose weight because not being able to cross the street in time for a light is quite absurd, ydi."
dragonlord354 4
its clearly the op rolling across the crosswalk.
AmberlovesJb 0
I don't understand?
AssassinzCreed 0
Of course you cannot, your love of Justin Beiber blinds your common sense.
ImTotallyAsian 0
I agree^
dreamering 16
OP was explaining the theory of relativity, that's why you didn't get it.
leeshxx 3
face palm
OceanProtection 0
Honey... that's cuz you're blonde. :)
leeshxx 3
130 watch what you say.. a flying ninja kick to the head may be in order..
limberlog 0
lame
A7X_LoVeee 10
Since she was fat it took her a longer time to cross the road. The crosswalk timer would end before she made it to the other side. Therefore she decided to lose wait so she could get over there in time. You're welcome.
A7X_LoVeee 10
weight* smh. -__-
mfmylifesrsly 30
8 didn't understand because the FML was worded horribly when it was first published that it didn't make sense
OceanProtection 0
Hmm flying ninja kick huh? I'll go get my camera!
leeshxx 3
I'll break your wrist while I kick the camera across the room
tweetyb13 0
wow....
EverybodyHatesCh 0
This is not an online dating site. :)
never2late88 0
Yeah, cause putting on make-up for a profile picture and wearing all that jewelry is very ninja. Definately.
leeshxx 3
I don't put on makeup for profile pictures nor do my hair to that extent it was my cousins 21st. that necklace is actually very lethal. it's poison darts. and who the **** said anything about flirting/ dating retard
cldean24 4
That is the first picture I have seen leesh noticeably wearing makeup and have jewelry on. I don't think it was an "omg FML profile picture!!!" moment. But even if it were, why the **** would that matter?
ceinaworus 0
its pretty much impossible to cross in time, the light changes so fast where I live....
BraBrando 0
Yes 9, me too. I literally have to sprint faster then full speed to make it across in time.
trixy81 10
yeah!
ImTotallyAsian 0
Why is everybody taking a picture of their ABS
TurnpikeTwister 0
Seriously, if I see another cheese dick meat head with his shirt off, I just might strangle the next one I see walking down the street
dark_path 0
yeah I know, especially when they don't look impressive in the slightest.
ucofresh 4
Wow... Jealous much? Sheesh. Get over it.
Abbila 8
same here #9
Angi95 3
You guys have some really fast lights I could crawl to the other side and still beat it.
TheDrifter 24
They spend the first thirty seconds or so posing for traffic. By the time they realize they could cross the light is already yellow.
natas_fml 13
could you do an impression of Lindsay Lohan doing a backwards crab walk and still make it?
zendaddy0 0
#217 nice 3 internetz for you and ten points to griffendor
poy2x 0
9 don't deny it, u also need to lose weight :p
Heather_x0x0 6
the lights over here change hella fast too! did they revise this FML? I swear I did not read it this way the first time...
uncbballwins 0
155- was wondering the same thing
helloello 2
for real!! they're all so JACKED TO!! bet it was hard for those brah's to get their to tight Ed hardy shirt off to!
chrstygrl06 10
Who likes my abs?! I so sexy :)
ucofresh 4
Right 328.. just cause we take care of our bodies you talk shit? LoL! Love people who talk shit about stuff like that. Always made me literally lol..
ucofresh 4
171, I would seriously love to see you try.. You do realize these "meat heads" would basically crush your ass if you even attempted? Haha. Cracks me up!
ceinaworus 0
because my abs are sexy. that other guys abs however, they are just mediocre so I cannot explain his reason.
ceinaworus 0
oh, wow. that comment there was supposed to be somewhere else but this app lagged on me... anyways. yes, 227. if I lost some more weight then I could show chumps up with my 12 pack. I would also possibly be anorexic...
demetrius19 7
OOOOOOOOOKkkkkkkkkkkkk fatty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fbaby69 0
well ur a bitch!
HannahMarshall 6
agreed
lolmyendoff456 7
wow harsh :
lilmissfail 0
coming from the one who looks like a *****
IHeartJimi02 0
how does she look like a *****
RainbowFormation 0
Lol. That sucks :P