Username
United States
Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff
United States
Strange metric
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Anonymous
Romania
Careless and carefree
Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML
sad fat drunk
Boozehound
Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
anonymous
Chicago, United States
Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML
CreeptacularBait
Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML
LadyJane
Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML
Anonymous
Health is overrated
Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML
Lou
United Kingdom
Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML
PickYourselfUp
Chesapeake, United States
New day, same shit
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
Top comments
griffin4 0
like the penguin. he too waddles
marijuanasmoker4 3
You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.
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Comments (382)
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
That's too bad. Eat healthy and exercise, don't be lazy. And also, stop at one donut, you don't need the whole box -_-
Garyy_fml 11
^ Thanks Oprah
A7X_LoVeee 10
OPRAH ROCKS!
RapeWhistle 0
Garyy, you're great.
Garyy_fml 11
thank you
raveypoo 4
don't need to be rude...
fatgirllovesfml 0
donuts! nomnomnomnomnomnom
marijuanasmoker4 3
You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.
birdmanflyhigher 0
lol
CitrusGirl 0
Anyone else think of the scene in Willy Wonka where the bratty girl chews the gum and blows up into a giant blueberry?
koolbop56 0
best idea ever. its a win-win. OP gets food, drivers witnessing the situation get entertainment.
daybowbow 0
YES. OR! Then you can get a handicap sticker and one of those motorized scooters that morbidly obese people "need" instead of walking 20 feet and burning a few calories. Man. I hate those ******* in the grocery store.
hryffff 11
Now how would she get back up? Silly billy goat
thebestof1984 0
Motivation is the key to success! Good luck!
melbadelb 0
finally someone said something positive !!
jennifer93 0
hey, motivation is motivation! whatever it takes I guess
apcfan009 0
dammit i went to the comments just to say that exact thing! Oh well, i'll just smile and go what she said :)
wenta 1
oh I'm guessing the crosswalk is like American for zebra crossing or something...
schmelia 10
I think it's just American for the pedestrian crossing at an intersection (ie red & green man).
KVKdragon 26
wow, you're slow (smh -__-)
livin_plur 0
what does smh mean? I know I'm gonnA get blown up with stupid comments about what it cud b but I'm just hoping a sweet soul will fill me in on the true meaning lol
copo37 7
smh is scratching or shaking my head. pretty damn dumb acronym right?
cldean24 4
I don't like ikr, it is more effective when you type out, "I know, right?"
IadamkI 3
Fatty lol
CateXOX 0
Hear that? I think your last brain cell just died while typing that witty comment right there.
buttnuggets 0
hear?
FMLandurstoo 9
did you get hit?
valri3 0
That is kind of sad. If I were driving my car and had to stop and wait 5 minutes to wait for you to cross over, I'm not going to be pleased...
jrgr 6
hahaha! poor crunchycereal xD
kaynorr 9
I don't get it
kaynorr 9
now I do