Today, I realized that the only woman who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, my 70 year-old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML
Today, after almost 20 years of celibacy, a beautiful young woman surprisingly took interest in me, and we get along great. My close female friend, who I did once have feelings for, but who always made it clear she'd never see me "in that way" is having a full-blown emotional breakdown. Well, according to her husband anyway. FML
Today, I realized the only person who’s ever loved me was an old friend. She was an amazing girl, she was there for me at my highs and lows, but I didn’t find her attractive, so I turned her down. She has since then moved on and gotten married, while I’m still getting played left and right by women. FML
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Today, I found out my most attractive co-worker has a crush on me. I'm 53. She's 16.. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
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Top comments
cakefete2 31
Not so much huge as long.
SamSwebb 24
Better than no-one ... I guess :)
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Comments (100)
icepick23 12
Go to the local bar
Dkman 11
Hey. She knows how to drive stick then, nothing hotter than a women with great hand eye coordination. Well, as long as she doesn't have cataracts
cheesebond 29
Sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do! Give her a heart attack ;)
tashawott 3
Any port in a storm, I suppose?
vikky538 29
something is better than nothing.... its not creepy as long as you don't think its creepy...
Tressa1982 18
I bet she's hella experienced though ;)
ProctorKProducti 5
Have sex with her, oldies are great in the sack
devildog3766 3
That reminds me of "The Yes Man" with Jim Carrey.
MrZsDad 19
Just pretend it's Betty White and get on with it already.
patwtfd37 4
As gross as that is, at least you've got that. No one shows sexual interest or any other kind of interest in me.