Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
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Top comments
swagisforchumps 9
Um... how did you learn that?
heinous966 15
Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.
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Comments (144)
fudgeimout 2
Why don't you just keep thinking it's a bird, just so you can eventually die unscathed by that discovery.
BlowinChronic 18
One does not simply erase such things from their mind.
Sai_Run614 7
Lets hope ypu dont have a fetish for birds.
UnidentifiedFun 37
Well that was uncalled for
lexex1 4
Almost as uncalled for as his display picture...
ThecomingofTan 9
16, what's wrong with having a fetish for birds?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
I've noticed this fellow always get's thumbed down a considerable amount just due to his dp. Maybe change it? :)
blcksocks 19
Mom? Why are you screaming like that bird I used to .... Wait !!
FYLminesGREAT 5
Well... for me this FML is the part of how you found out. ;O
ICastillo 25
Damn all this time you thought a bird was singing you to sleep... Well that's a messed up situation
CuriousAlien 7
So this is how the birds and the bees started.....
allard 14
OP's dad must've just been buzzing around..
CuriousAlien 7
And she just decided to fly into his arms!
mykelinva 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Go mom! Orgasms are great! Even our parents!
BlowinChronic 18
Yeah... Orgasms are great when it isn't your mom that you hear orgasming.
unknown_user5566 27
I guess the silver lining here is that your mom and dad have a very active, happy sex life. Not a great silver lining, but lining nontheless.
a_lenzmeier 11
I don't see how she is getting thumbed down. Yeah it's disturbing to envision your parents doing the dirty, but at least they are married and enjoying it. It's better than your parents not talking and/or going through a bitter divorce.
RedPillSucks 33
in this case there is a dark cloud in every silver lining
olpally 33
Time for a shot of vodka, or twenty...
sugarshane007 20
And another happy childhood ruined by sex.
Laurenlou 24
Lol. Children are made by sex. Ironic!
dswomi 12
My childhood was happy until my sister showed up