Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
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Top comments
swagisforchumps 9
Um... how did you learn that?
heinous966 15
Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.
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Comments (144)
Stormdriven37 6
That quite a shock. You must have questioned other things in your childhood. Like the fact that your mom may have given your dad a ******* before kissing you goodnight.
CheeseTron 15
I know! I read your profile and literally cried laughing! Hahaha thank you sir!
supportcommand 17
It's not comes. It's cums. Example: oh my god I'm gonna cum! Quoted from Ass Blasters 2.
j3ebrules 13
Yep, I know what you mean op.
glitteringmoon 4
It's an fml for her mom sounding like a bird when she comes. Now that's the real tragedy! lol
gmc_blossom 21
McDonald's just got told by a penguin. It should feel bad.
bakerella 29
LMAO!! For a while in my teenage years I thought I was hearing an owl.. turns out it was my mother. Maybe it's not uncommon for a woman to make owly sounds during
panda_lou 11
I'm not sure how one would manage such a high pitched chirp. Maybe she was trying to not let any sound out but the extra tension caused any sound to come out more like a squeak?
FMLmorexlikeSMH 4
Ive got to tweet this...
GripItRight 10
Checkout 14 - PenquinBitch's avatar, ... ....Daddy like !