Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
swagisforchumps 9
Um... how did you learn that?
heinous966 15
Your fathers windshield must be quite dirty.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
jellyD 1
Apparently your folks are doing it right! Sorry you found out, hope it wasn't too emotionally scarring.
reallycooldude 10
I know that feel. When I was a kid and heard, uh, "the bird chirping", I thought my mom was sick and would go to my parents' door to ask if she was feeling okay. Yeah...
BlowinChronic 18
She was feeling much better than okay...
dutchpower 5
No, mom: tweeeeett
tsent8 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dammit I accidentally thumbed this comment up it should be at -4 which is way more than it deserves we all know that pop music today is about blow jobs but today we are here to talk about bird like orgasms
slickchrome 11
Could be worse..she could squeal like a pig, for example..
supportcommand 17
That's the noise the dad makes when moms plowing him with a strap on while strumming a banjo.
512bigt 10
new fave haha
TheTallPerson 3
Childhood ruined! :D cheers!
doglover100 29
Another sex filled memory.
jjacci 12
Therapy time. That's just distressing.
nowayisthisreal 4
I was 30 before I realized that when my parents locked me out of the house on Saturday afternoons, they weren't napping.