Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML
Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML
Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML
Today, I haven’t spoken to my husband in a week, and when I finally spoke to him he thanked me because he’s gotten so much work done round the house, caught up on all his paperwork for his job, and reconnected with his Xbox friends. I didn’t realise I was such a fucking distraction. FML
Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML
Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
amayasoma 19
Aww, poor you. How about discussing this with your wife and seeing if you and her can fix it.
sarcasMystic 0
Imagine the Chinese guy's FML: "Today, I am beginning to get suspicious about one man who keeps calling for Chinese take-out and making conversation. He won't stop calling. FML."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (182)
lil_biddy_26 0
soooo asiannnn
ScaryyMary 14
That restaurant must have great service! Does each meal come with a happy ending? (They don't call 'em Happy Meals for nothing! *nudge*)
DenisTheMenace 13
has anyone here ever masturbated to cake??
aDropOfSunshine 2
Cake, as in the band? I mean, the answer is still no, just looking for clarification.
lovemycowboys 3
OP...you two must've been married a while now. it sucks but I think all relationships go through this stage. start taking your wife out on dates again. try to find what it is about her that made you fall in love with her to begin with.
katmandont 0
@120 Good gosh, a reasonable and insightful comment! If I wanted to read shit like this, I'd be reading 'Dear Abby', not FML!!! :-) Wait... Dear Abby is dead. Oh well.
boopityboppity 11
Look, everyone, it's a mature and insightful comment. Quick, take notes before it's gone!
spaceshan69 0
I've never even had Chinese takeout
iSitt 0
some of those cashier girls are hot
tinaletto 0
there is something about that sweet and sour chicken
wtfhowsad 0
your life must really ****** suck
sabatical 0
I'll have the cream of sumyunguy
Freeze_fml 17
Wayne's World!
purplemnm 9
me love you long time :D
Freeze_fml 17
About time.
sabatical 0
haha someone had to