Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML
Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML
Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML
Today, I haven’t spoken to my husband in a week, and when I finally spoke to him he thanked me because he’s gotten so much work done round the house, caught up on all his paperwork for his job, and reconnected with his Xbox friends. I didn’t realise I was such a fucking distraction. FML
Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML
Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML
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Top comments
amayasoma 19
Aww, poor you. How about discussing this with your wife and seeing if you and her can fix it.
sarcasMystic 0
Imagine the Chinese guy's FML: "Today, I am beginning to get suspicious about one man who keeps calling for Chinese take-out and making conversation. He won't stop calling. FML."
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Comments (182)
AlexsLifeIsA 0
first
benito_fml 0
no one cares about first but you. shut up
babyteef 0
Your life isn't ****** if you have the ability to change it. YDI.
thehelenlouiseee 5
won't you get moded for just putting first - as if it really matters.
alleyx3 0
you must be fat if ur calling for takeout that much
mfmylifesrsly 30
YDI fatass.
cocopuff96 0
wow this is sad.
Horney4her69 0
amen!
Blue_Coconuts 7
Dude Chinese food rocks... I haven't had Chinese takeout in forever though... :(
Pumpkin226 0
#16 is an idiot.
sarcasMystic 0
Imagine the Chinese guy's FML: "Today, I am beginning to get suspicious about one man who keeps calling for Chinese take-out and making conversation. He won't stop calling. FML."
XxKeLs3yxX 0
#15 and #16 so the **** what if the op is fat I don't think that has any thing to do with the situation.
alleyx3 0
and..?
woofis 0
dude ******* shut up and get a divorce. seriously, if u are not enjoying ur marrage and u don't love ur wife anymore, then stop trying.
XxKeLs3yxX 0
And what I'm trying to say is shut the hell up
MndM 0
haha!! funny!
schnitzel5 0
those Chinese people are quite pleasant......
Yee12 0
YDI for talking to Chinese people
mfmylifesrsly 30
42 is pretty...i want her hair. and i was jk...but seriously..he should try to work it out with his wife or divorce her
Blue_Coconuts 7
If you ditch your red hair I'm calling off the wedding.
mfmylifesrsly 30
NOOO =(
mfmylifesrsly 30
=( noooo!
mfmylifesrsly 30
=( noooo!
paigeatsflesh 11
YDI for not divorcing you wife. your just hurting her... and that's mean of you ):
XxKeLs3yxX 0
#53 thank you N yeah I agree he should do something to work it out with his. also I wasn't telling you to shut the hell up lol I was telling # 15
XxKeLs3yxX 0
his wife*
XCaLX_fml 0
thats not unusual
pepsi2010 0
hey alleyx3 I think ur hot
tayinator 0
agreed. If you don't enjoy talking to the person who is supposed to be the love of your life, then that's a problem.
bubbarific 0
ydi for disturbing the chinese
marleytooyou 0
how the heck do u know If he's fat (stalker)
conner516 0
will you marry me
aznpersuasion863 0
Today, I realised my husband spends more time and receives more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to me. FML
JCimaglia 0
He's fat because he eats Chinese takeout? as if all of you women have never eaten Chinese takeout before. grow the **** up....
ydiftw 0
chinese guy: You want food fast or you come get? Op: Nice weather isn't it? Other guy: O.o
rightbackatya 0
yes!
ggggiggity 0
you must be pathetic if all you do is call people who eat Chinese food 'fat'. go have a sammich fool
alexandraa_fml 0
Dial 1800chinese... I'm not kidding. But hang up quick, haha.
Tripout 0
lol 104 ftw
Tripout 0
sry for the spacin. my itouch gets screwy everynow n then... T_T
Serec 0
Just let them be retarded, they'll find out sooner or later.
CharliePoops 0
40, he never said he didn't love his wife, he just said he enjoys ordering food more than he loves talking to his wife. calm down
katmandont 0
For all the people saying YDI and he should divorce his wife, maybe he's from the Catholic part of Ireland. Divorce would be a bigger FML
XYZzzzzzzz 0
ordering chinese is very satisfactory
rawrjessi 0
Benito your an asshole.(:
u_killed_kenny_ 0
YDI for having a wife u don't want to be around
katsuku 5
it's not as easy to divorce as just saying it. With everything being slanted in a women's favour these days, a man loses everything if they get a divorce. There's a good chance that he can't afford to get a divorce in this economy.
EllOfficial 6
Marry a Chinese lady :)
massagenist 0
does your wife put out anymore ? if not shes worthless put her in a nursing home asap.
guyy22 0
ha
77_PUNKER 0
hay hay woo woo woo I love the adicts
Betz 10
That's why you should eat out more.
tidegu 0
I agree. btw y u mention Chinese ?
c0nfuzzled 0
there is a simple solution to this. force your wife to work at the Chinese takeout place! this way you can talk to her AND she'll be where the belongs: in the kitchen
ChrisCTL 0
#25 is cute. And YDI for eating take out too much.
alleyx3 0
I said he was fat because he must call takeout quite often from what he described. geez guys grow the hell up
Bullet4MyChemaMo 12
104
Bullet4MyChemaMo 12
Sorry my iPod went strange :( I actually said 104
Bullet4MyChemaMo 12
And there it goes again! Just forget it.
timepassesslowly 0
You seem depressed. Have you considered discussing this with a professional?
strandedinalimo 0
I agree with 49
fualignment 0
you must be implying something
trucktwister 0
ydi for marrying the wrong person.
mama2b3 20
chinese food is rather enjoyable... Or do you really just like to eat out and ur wife doesnt enjoy it? lol
jennnnrawr 0
maybe he has some strange chinese fetish?
Jf770 10
Lets just hope OP doesn't make a habit out of asking the Chinese take away guy what he's wearing.
yeahidgaf 0
LOL. shud of married the take out person instead of your wife! :D
ninafea 0
agreed! free Chinese food! that sounds wonderful!
JustinKingr 0
not completely free
ninafea 0
why not?
JustinKingr 0
just because you are an an employee doesn't mean you get it free. for example walmart people don't get a free HDTV
ninafea 0
Thank you for clarfying that. I'm sorry you're a wal mart employee and wished you could have had a free HD TV
iamchuck 0
It's that third muscle.
vrock 0
f the wife's life
robdoggstge 0
lol marry someone else
aDropOfSunshine 2
Is anyone else a little tired of these FMLs that say, "Today, I realized that I get more satisfaction from _________ than I do from _________ with my significant other. FML" ? At the end of the day, you're a product of your own decisions, so if your life sucks, start changing it or don't complain.
JustinKingr 0
I hate them too
Philosophic 0
Hate who? Who are you talking about? Feel free to clarify any day now..
yoitssabrina 0
i completely agree-just being a little more positive in life can make such a huge difference :)
JustinKingr 0
try reading numer 11's post before mine. it might help.
koco4 0
Daria is the best. lala la la la
XCaLX_fml 0
nerd and now ima post what u said as an fml
katmandont 0
@68 I loved that show. It's like they took scenes from my life. ... except for the being a girl part. Oh well.
lickmyjock 0
should of married the Chinese girl then. they're better anyway.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
Pahaha! This is funny because your wife is Chinese. I don't stalk you I swear, I just "overhear"! How are you these days, lickmyjock? I see you've changed your picture.
yerliefsuks 0
next
PsychoMerk 0
anybody else get that "weird" feeling while at the dentist's or doctor's? 0_0 or is that just me?
Olympian94 0
You're on this app everyday @ person in front, on every post. Get a life.
PsychoMerk 0
are you ******* stalking me? I'm not on EVERY post dumbass! Go and ******* check if you want and stop talking out your ass.
PsychoMerk 0
Besides, this is ******* entertaining.
jack8765 0
wow you sound like a total bitch and yes you are on almost every post, get a life
Person1233 13
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
PsychoMerk 0
Reading ALL the daily FMLs only takes up 10 minutes on my time. commenting takes 15? Oh noooo I have no like because I'm on this for about 20 minutes on a good day?
PsychoMerk 0
life*
kaylaamariee 9
i just wanna know how he knows you're on here everyday. i'm assuming he must be too to figure that out. ohh the irony.
QuidProQuo 1
Ohh people just got owned