Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML
Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML
Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML
Today, I haven’t spoken to my husband in a week, and when I finally spoke to him he thanked me because he’s gotten so much work done round the house, caught up on all his paperwork for his job, and reconnected with his Xbox friends. I didn’t realise I was such a fucking distraction. FML
Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML
Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML
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Top comments
amayasoma 19
Aww, poor you. How about discussing this with your wife and seeing if you and her can fix it.
sarcasMystic 0
Imagine the Chinese guy's FML: "Today, I am beginning to get suspicious about one man who keeps calling for Chinese take-out and making conversation. He won't stop calling. FML."
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Comments (182)
Feverrotes 15
This is actually a decent FML if you think about it. Unfortunately, most guys are in the same boat as you are OP, I hope to not be in that boat.
erjaguam 0
you must be obese. I mean, I bet your wife is fed up of you as well.
aNTIzzle209 0
I love u
masterblaster39 0
Are you afraid that if you tell your wife you're unhappy, she will kick your ass? Grow a set and leave, but don't cry FYL!
SeedlessMe 13
Dude, it's Ireland-- There, it is more socially acceptable to get your ass kicked by your wife than it is to get a divorce!
MonsterFeet 0
WTF. are you ordering the happy ending or something?
chemqueen20 0
lmao! when I was stationed in Korea the guys got happy endings and juicy girls o.O there were sometimes juicy boys O.o
sentient 10
I sympathize, sir. Good luck to you.
Ouroboros_fml 0
...so this affair is gonna be like American Pie, but with Chinese food... we-elll Hollywood IS running out of ideas... I don't know what to think of this...
Fulysikmulaka 1
Oh man. It sucks to be you. That's really sad.
Schazam 0
Stop ordering Sum Yun Boy and buy your wife a French Maid's outfit.
TIOFML 0
lmao!!really does everyone like to spend there time fighting damn!