xharmonyx
United States
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
heck
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Windsor Heights, United States
Pissed
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Confused
Bath, United States
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
evomadrid24
United States
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Anonymous
Belton, United States
Waste of time
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
overflowing
United States
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Anonymous
Are you taking the piss?
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
thinking of military school
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
slaughterteddy
United States
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Top comments
panny10112326 1
Why even bother putting FML if you totally deserved it?? Drugs= baaaaad shit.
The_Hitdude 12
Yeah... Paying the same friend you rip a bong with to pass a drug test for you isn't a good idea. Must've been high when you agreed to that.
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Comments (253)
cosmosis 12
Nope it affects your urine. Which is exactly the reason one ahould not operate heavy machinery whilst under the influence. Results to urinary system could be disasterous...
angelofsaturn 23
Sorry dude but YTDI. A random test would be one thing but you knew you had to take a pee test.
barlessprison 16
Never has my finger moved so fast toward the YDI button. Sorry buddy but you had it coming.
gracehi 33
Hey, OP, lemme help you out here. I'm in the military and many of us military folk who used to do drugs are now in the military and remain in the miliary even though we had to do a drug test to join and continue to be subjected to random drug testing. Wanna know how? We *gasp!* stopped doing drugs!
thats_my_job 11
Thank you for your service.
xLittleMissPinkx 5
Remember when Michael paid for Dwight's pee on the office? Lol
loserman67 36
OP: Dude, I like totally have this drug test tomorrow, can I borrow some piss? Dude: Like totally Dude. OP: When was the last time you baked Dude? Dude: Oh, it's been like totally twelve hours, my piss has gotta be straight! OP: Cool Dude, *inhales* I got this gig in the bagggggg Dude! Totally!
gracehi 33
Whoever sold their piss to you probably used the money to buy drugs :p
muffinXmonster 12
That sir is an epic fail and you definitely deserve it
challan 19
Totally agree! If anyone deserves the title of Head Douche it's him.
muffinXmonster 12
And thank you ma'am for making me laugh lol
muffinXmonster 12
And thank you for making me laugh
perdix 31
Did you get your money back? I'm surprised that someone in the pee-selling industry actually takes drugs. I guess Big Pee isn't as clean as they present themselves to be. Who'da thunk it?
harkerk87 3
Did u find out u were pregnant too!!!