Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML
Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML
Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML
Today, my younger half-sister discovered my existence. She then went to our grandparents' house, smashed my picture off their wall, and ransacked their house looking for other pictures of me to destroy. She's in her mid-twenties, behaving like a child. FML
Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML
Today, my little sister got mad at me because I wouldn't let her read my IM conversation. I took a nap and when I woke up, my laptop was gone. She took it on a trip to her grandparents' house, six hours away. Nude pictures of me and my paper due tomorrow are on the laptop. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, my 8 year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number keypad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML
Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
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Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Now you're free to do as you wish
gogo44444 28
Now you can do whatever you want and she won't question you!
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Comments (52)
CoGhostRider 31
Now you're free to do as you wish
beeferjay 34
just use protection... you don't want the herp
Lalala579121 28
And, make sure you proof-read your texts, you don't want the derp either.
robgraves 11
agreed, this is a license to get into some mischief...they'll never suspect you. }:)
justcommenting19 19
On a more positive note, if you ever want a super cool job with the government, you can totally get it. And the forever brag in front of your sister. Win-win.
yahitscyndi 20
Well at least they trust you...kind of.
gogo44444 28
Now you can do whatever you want and she won't question you!
sighlifeman 12
its kinda a compliment if you think about it
CoGhostRider 31
Right along with "you're so ugly you won't have to worry about geting raped"
hatedbythefamily 1
you spelled getting wrong
Xaian1 17
Spelt*
Sheepies123 6
Backhanded compliment are still compliments just not as nice.
Tripartita 45
If you'd like, OP, I could give you some tips on spicing up your phone-life. Have you tried dressing it in lingerie? Covering it in cool whip? Tying it to a chair?
SecundusSecunda 27
I can guarantee all those work. Especially tying your phone to a chair, your relationship will be boosted to new levels!
THEDUDE1553566 24
This is a blessing! Now you are free to do do what you want just don't give suspicion!
kyrisonfusion 22
She could just be kidding. She might trust you more
ThePaperDragon 31
At least they think you are a good kid! ^_^
ber4fun 23
It's a good thing to have your parents trust