Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML
Today I got fired from a very promising new job where I made three times my previous salary from my previous job. Why? Because of a personal belonging, my bumper sticker that says, "How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT." FML
Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML
Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML
Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML
Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML
Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML
Today, my wife came home and said, "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened…" She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green, she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her didn't. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3-inch hole in the bumper. FML
Today, I got my new license plate, which is the story of my life. FML
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Top comments
Sir_ND_Pity 35
Suuuure, OP. Your wife put it there. Gotcha ;)
lostcrazydiamond 10
I find your username amusing, OP. You don't like them "that much"?
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Comments (50)
challan 19
I once put a sticker on a friends car that read ProHomo. He didn't notice for four months.
jujubunni5 9
I hope you put it on the glass or the paint color under the sticker will be off
perdix 31
Now, you're going to get rear-ended repeatedly... you know, from people reading the sticker and laughing too hard. What do you think I meant?
Werken247 14
Thought you meant he was gonna be driving through the Greek neighborhood call for his dog named "penis".
ittsdann 6
Come on op, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face you get sprung.
BobbieH 19
Goof Off, red cap - professional strength. It'll come right off. Then take the car to the car wash. "I don't know honey it must have come off at the car wash." While you're at it, that's a great time to mention you don't really want that on the car as it is embarrassing and unfair to you.
gc327072 31
OP wants to get witcha, and take yo pictcha.
brittanywashere 14
Hehe, your wife just gave me an idea to try on my husband's truck, lol. Your wife is awesome!
voncrane 23
That awkward moment when a male mechanic asks for some lubricant while hunched over the .....engine.
cgstarz790 3
Bahahahaha I hope she drives it too, broke back mountain
Smeelover27 15
Op, we all know you wanna pull out your tough 'cause you noticed that butt was stuffed.