Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML
Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML
Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML
Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML
Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5 mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh… I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML
Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML
Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled at me for driving recklessly. I was going 35 mph, and she was stopped in the middle of a road around a blind curve. My "reckless driving" was slamming on the brakes so I wouldn't hit her. FML
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Top comments
shelbystang 2
Maybe you should grow a pair and stand up for yourself!
chazzywazzy654 22
That bitch crazy! Surely stopping at a red light for a few minutes is better than a ticket and a fine? Especially on your daughters wedding of all days..... I wonder about people sometimes
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Comments (71)
shelbystang 2
Maybe you should grow a pair and stand up for yourself!
MrConcise 35
He already grew a pair...too bad his wife has them in her purse.
Nathan_h24 17
along with his former self #11
MeanBeagle 22
well at least you won't have to worry about your daughter being mistreated being raised by your wife
Jak0p 25
Maybe he already grew a pair for telling her to drive there by her own? or why would he ever drive to the wedding of his daughter without his wife? That's the point I am wondering about. but it seems like I am the only one.
VeganDarkLight 31
25, no you aren't. But my assumption is that they were too many people (family or other guests) to fit in one car.
sig4life 18
26, he may need to grow some or find a back bone but he was smart enough not to ride with her, but dumb enough to let her follow him. I would have let her go first.
Trikzta 6
lol /_- what a bitchhhh
swampbaby985 30
My first thoughts exactly. Grow a pair OP!
joeyl2008 29
Grow a pair? This isn't whipped like he thinks. Instead this is obviously an abusive relationship.
chazzywazzy654 22
That bitch crazy! Surely stopping at a red light for a few minutes is better than a ticket and a fine? Especially on your daughters wedding of all days..... I wonder about people sometimes
Ichiya 29
You come to me on this, the day of my daughter's wedding. . .
Fuaaad1994 31
It's also better than causing an accident and accidentally hurting others.
jbombdighetty 11
Maybe she was just really horny!
laden_swallow09 35
Boooo.
gatorclay97 28
.... I've got no response
jimmer23 21
She sounds lovely.
patd77 12
Pussy
tigerborn69 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
isn't that how marriage works? the woman controls everything
jbombdighetty 11
not a good marriage
PenguinBitch 44
"Brake check" when she tailgates you!
topher5110 7
then both their insurance goes up.
False_Stupidity 42
Nah, just his wife's insurance 'cause she will be held at fault. It might delay getting to the wedding though.
RandomUsername88 24
Obviously you didn't deserve that but you should have told her off for being so impatient while you were trying to keep you, your passengers, and other cars filled with people safe. Makes me wonder how long you have been putting up with that kind of behavior from someone who says they love you...
onlychildFTW 34
That's when OP should have said "oops I didn't realize the red light turned green." And wait out the entire green light out of spite. Providing anyways no innocent people would have been stuck behind. Red lights are one of the few things that is a 100% must stop for everyone at all times. Since red lights are found around busier places.
playmonty 9
Why oh why do you accept this? Why don't you bust her out of her frame by standing up to her? Chances are she will be baffled, and then insta-doubling her cute antics, but if you stand firm you might actually get some respect from her.
Ahsome 6
bitch.