Today, while presenting a project I've worked on for months, one of the professors exasperatedly cut in mid-sentence, saying, "Look, it's shit. Just stop already." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss finally checked the presentation I have been working on for three weeks. She called me into her office, and told me everything was dreadful, and requested me to start from scratch. It's due in half an hour. FML
Today, my supervisor’s first words when looking at my work were, “What is this shit?!” I explained that I'd done it exactly like she told me to. She just kept on grumbling because she couldn’t find a single thing I had done wrong, which apparently ruined her day. FML
Today, I held a presentation about my masters thesis. Turns out, my professor never ever actually read the drafts I'd given him, but decided to rip me to pieces in front of everyone, saying that the topic isn't worth researching. I've been working on it for six months. FML
Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML
Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML
Today, I failed a final presentation. My partner, who did none of the research, presented the entire project, talking over me and glaring when I spoke up. He denied everything and the professor didn't believe me. Now I have to retake this class with the same professor. FML
Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML
Today, I'm grading final projects for a junior level college class. A student finally turned in their work, after months of encouragement and coaxing. Half of it was plain wrong, the rest had so many spelling and grammatical mistakes, it appeared to be written by a drunk autocorrect program. FML
Today, I presented the worst seminar presentation probably in the entire history of my graduate department. I kept stumbling over questions, and overall, making an ass out of myself. I probably should leave my masters program at how thoroughly I burned myself. FML
Today, after I spent 3 days preparing for a presentation and practiced it at home. It was my turn in class, but my laptop wouldn’t connect to the projector. The teacher said, “Just explain without slides,” which erased my entire brain. I stared at my classmates in silence before blurting out, “The slides explain it better than I can.” FML
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Top comments
BallsToYoMomma 0
Holy shit, I bet the OP stole this FML from my autobiography, cause it's blatant plagiarism, as you'll see. It may seem like I'm just talking bollocks at first, but humour me on this one, guys. So there I was, wandering the moonlit streets of Paris with my good buddy "Black Balls" Eddie, who was eating out a Sarah Palin plushie like a woman possessed. Yeah, Eddie was a unique girl, no two ways about it, but you could rely on her for anything. We'd been soul-mates ever since the incident with Jason Voorhees. Psycho thought it'd be funny to dig up our mothers and take them both from behind while singing a poor-man's rendition of Hallelujah. Thought he was untouchable. Boy was he wrong. He just wanted to get some, then hit the sack like any other man would. Oh, someone hit the sack alright. Turns out even the undead can't survive a good stiletto to the nads. But that's a tangential issue. So yeah. Paris. We were shaking down homeless kids for lunch money, and trolling the First Postecostal Church asking for directions to the Sweet Jesus Candy Emporium. Yeah, everyone knows where it is, but there's nothing quite like watching a priest have an aneurysm after being asked for the millionth time. Just a bit of juvenile fun. Turns out even God's ordained have a limit. Last thing either of us remembered was ****-slapping the door knocker. Next thing we knew, we were waking up in a dark basement, naked and covered in PB&J. Sure, it sounds sexy as hell when you read it, but all I could think at the time was about getting the hell out of there. Christ, I needed to sit my O.W.L.s the next day, and I sure as **** wasn't going to come second place to Hermione ******* Granger due to sodomy-by-priest. We were strapped down with steel restraints. Any other day, I'd have just given up and committed suicide by swallowing my brain, but that's when I noticed THEM. The embalmed corpses of Little Jimmy and Nick "The Cunter" Rock, hanging over the fireplace like some god damn trophies from a Dick Cheney hunting expedition. Wasn't going to stand for that shit, you know? The rage consumed me and the next thing anyone knew, those restraints were gone and the priest was reduced to a sort of fine tomato soup. 'course, we ate the evidence. Cops never pinned it on us, and all we got was a prion disease. We booked it the hell out of there and swore never to speak of the day again. Clearly I broke the oath, but I feel it's pertinent information. I guess there are three morals to take from this story. The first is that trolling churches is bad, m'kay? The second is if your partner thinks Sarah Palin is hot, probably best to give her an early cremation. Third is just don't scream first, it never ends well and there's an 80% chance of contracting herpes in the process. Just ask DocBastard. Wee-woo.
DocBastard 40
It's more like 99.9%. When the **** will people learn? Next person to yell "first" needs to suck my balls first. Yeah, first. Assholes.
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Comments (84)
BallsToYoMomma 0
Holy shit, I bet the OP stole this FML from my autobiography, cause it's blatant plagiarism, as you'll see. It may seem like I'm just talking bollocks at first, but humour me on this one, guys. So there I was, wandering the moonlit streets of Paris with my good buddy "Black Balls" Eddie, who was eating out a Sarah Palin plushie like a woman possessed. Yeah, Eddie was a unique girl, no two ways about it, but you could rely on her for anything. We'd been soul-mates ever since the incident with Jason Voorhees. Psycho thought it'd be funny to dig up our mothers and take them both from behind while singing a poor-man's rendition of Hallelujah. Thought he was untouchable. Boy was he wrong. He just wanted to get some, then hit the sack like any other man would. Oh, someone hit the sack alright. Turns out even the undead can't survive a good stiletto to the nads. But that's a tangential issue. So yeah. Paris. We were shaking down homeless kids for lunch money, and trolling the First Postecostal Church asking for directions to the Sweet Jesus Candy Emporium. Yeah, everyone knows where it is, but there's nothing quite like watching a priest have an aneurysm after being asked for the millionth time. Just a bit of juvenile fun. Turns out even God's ordained have a limit. Last thing either of us remembered was ****-slapping the door knocker. Next thing we knew, we were waking up in a dark basement, naked and covered in PB&J. Sure, it sounds sexy as hell when you read it, but all I could think at the time was about getting the hell out of there. Christ, I needed to sit my O.W.L.s the next day, and I sure as **** wasn't going to come second place to Hermione ******* Granger due to sodomy-by-priest. We were strapped down with steel restraints. Any other day, I'd have just given up and committed suicide by swallowing my brain, but that's when I noticed THEM. The embalmed corpses of Little Jimmy and Nick "The Cunter" Rock, hanging over the fireplace like some god damn trophies from a Dick Cheney hunting expedition. Wasn't going to stand for that shit, you know? The rage consumed me and the next thing anyone knew, those restraints were gone and the priest was reduced to a sort of fine tomato soup. 'course, we ate the evidence. Cops never pinned it on us, and all we got was a prion disease. We booked it the hell out of there and swore never to speak of the day again. Clearly I broke the oath, but I feel it's pertinent information. I guess there are three morals to take from this story. The first is that trolling churches is bad, m'kay? The second is if your partner thinks Sarah Palin is hot, probably best to give her an early cremation. Third is just don't scream first, it never ends well and there's an 80% chance of contracting herpes in the process. Just ask DocBastard. Wee-woo.
DocBastard 40
It's more like 99.9%. When the **** will people learn? Next person to yell "first" needs to suck my balls first. Yeah, first. Assholes.
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
We should create "Wanted" posters for FML moderators. Sirin's bounty would be "120,000$"
McMan 23
I refreshed the page and saw the new FMLs and this was edited before I got here. I think Sirin's been bored and been writing some short stories and copying and pasting them on any "FIRST!" she sees. Also pssh $120 000 is a bit low, don't you think? :P
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
Changed it to 500,000$. The more lulz she generates the higher it will get. I'll have to give bounties to other comment masters :P
Doortje 30
*Lulz to get Sirin's bounty higher*
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
Taken into account!
KingDingALing 9
Sirin should just make an adult book. The shit she thinks up is creative and vivid enough to give guys with Erectile Dystfunction a hard-on.
LadyClarik 8
Kinda makes me want to post "first" so I can get comment raped by Sirin too. Oh and lulz.
05559 1
Always a joy reading your comments. LOL
LostInExaminatio_fml 0
tl;dr. :)
sexxy_skater 0
K, please don't write a ******* story as a comment. kthx.
CaptSkippy 9
I'm on mobile and I cant like this first comment it's too long lol
Kiyaralovestolol 14
...wat?
Narelon 12
And this, kids, is why you should never say yes to drugs.
mariluvs 0
dats messed up...punch him in da face:)
tzb13 1
ydi for doing a shitty presentation.
Ephemere_16_fml 0
he could at least listen until the end... this is the base of politness. FYL!
Aerious 0
Well then don't even try if it's as shitty as he states.
Aerious 0
Haha, this didn't take long to get moderated.
DocBastard 40
Look, it's not his fault you're a complete ****-up. If it's shit, it's shit. He shouldn't be forced to be polite and let you continue droning on and on with your unintelligible drivel. Try not being a blithering idiot next time.
TheZarola 10
I agree. OP shouldn't be so butthurt. The professor knows more than him.
ydi_4_suking 20
Dang you must have really sucked. I mean teachers really put up with just complete crap. But you took it to a new level. The professor just cut you off cuz it was way too shitty of a project
plcsux 0
Or the teacher was just a dumb thung!
LemonStarship 5
Shitty shit.
theblackhannah 0
LMAO! Ydi b/c apparently you put no effort into it smh