Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML
Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML
Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML
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Top comments
dtbomb 3
What a shitty job. lol
SayItNicely 0
Do you happen to work at the same place as the person who asked for a bottle of milk? Then that wouldn't seem so weird...
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Comments (110)
werzal 5
There was no reason to be looking up though. You should be able to inject a cows udder (usually with some type of antibiotic) all by feel. YDI.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
The OP is only a student. They may not have had that much practice at it yet and thus still have to look. I am more than willing to bet that everyone who can do it by feel started off by looking and then got used to it.
werzal 5
actually with the intra-mammary injections we were taught to do by feel. Any other injections were done in the cows rump.
ziepher 3
You've gotta give him points for trying to look at the upside of a shitty situation =p
awardZu 0
YDI. I'm doing my best to grasp how you were shit on by a cow, and I'm coming up with blanks... I've been around cattle my entire life, and I've never been hit with flying poo. Ever. I can't imagine what kind of stupidity lead to this happening to you...
shaysters1432 0
haha nice...gotta deal with the risks of any job i guess
mystery69 0
Pink Eye!!
ChelsBearr 0
YDI! Why milk a cow from the back!? Dumb ass.
RedPillSucks 33
Could have been worse. You could have been artificially inseminating the cow, being elbow deep inside cow pussy, and THEN being shat on. Double humiliation.
SpilltMilk2 0
Some cows get off from that . lol .
werzal 5
you seriously don't think you shove your arm inside the cows pussy do you? Your arm goes in the arse and the 'straw' goes in the pussy. You put your arm in and feel so that you don't hurt the cow at all. Foreign objects in pussy *can* cause infection.
mrjamjama66 5
how do you get a dump on your eye ball if you're bent over. it takes a special kind of retard to do that.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Being "bent over" can refer to when a person leans down sideways to look under something. In which case on eye and one ear would be facing upward and the other eye and ear would be pointed towards the ground. I think you are thinking of when someone is doubled over and is either looking at the ground or has their head up with their chin towards the ground. If such were the position than yes it would be hard for the cow to crap in the OP's eye.
TheElBurrrito 21
That's how you get pink eye!
AliceStar 2
I assume that the OP moved out of the way as soon as some got in his eye.