Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML
Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML
Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML
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Top comments
dtbomb 3
What a shitty job. lol
SayItNicely 0
Do you happen to work at the same place as the person who asked for a bottle of milk? Then that wouldn't seem so weird...
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Comments (110)
notquite69 0
Even most non-vets know you don't get behind the animal. Be happy you weren't kicked.
ugliness 6
apparently you have to during milking, it's a safety risk but there should be precautions, op should of had goggles
TheDrifter 24
Just with certain machine designs. The one the government links to is union made but barely passes safety regs as it milks from behind and leads to a lot of worker injuries.
ReynshineCutting 10
It might depend on the animal. I don't know much about cows, but lots of horses will kick you and you still have to be behind them all the time. Not only that, but they can kick to the side too so whenever you work near their hind end you're at risk of getting kicked.
tatortotz 0
Is your name in reference to riding cutters?
Eorlas 31
cows dont kick behind, horses do. cows kick to their sides. learned this in animal science
cptmorgan15 2
Only today you're a student vet? What were you yesterday?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
All FMLs start with "Today," ...
underpaid011 0
the cow has excellent aim!! YDI for having bacon double cheeseburger on your breath.
Cigar 11
Inject with what?
ugliness 6
not sure, might be some sort of stimulant to get the milk out easier, I don't know anything about milking but I have held a cows heart in a medical research laboratory(best work experience ever.) it was massive oh crap I went off topic >_<
T3P33_fml 0
aids.
SteelCladAngel 0
mastitis treatment possibly, or stuff to 'kill a quarter' if a section if a cows udder doesn't work/gets recurring mastitis et c the teat on that quarter is injected with a chemical that kills the milk ducts et c and the cow doesn't produce milk there anymore.
SteelCladAngel 0
mastitis treatment possibly, or stuff to 'kill a quarter' if a section if a cows udder doesn't work/gets recurring mastitis et c the teat on that quarter is injected with a chemical that kills the milk ducts et c and the cow doesn't produce milk there anymore.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Wow that's ******* hilarious! Definitely FYL though.
bcbaby108 2
To bad she didn't pee in your eye. cow urine is actually very good for you and your eyes. a lot of eyedrops contain cow urine.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
So now we know!
ydur 0
large cow pie little eye. how did u not see it coming to at least close ur eyes
djphoenix18 1
Better check for squaids. Lol
freshx_fml 6
r. kelly's cow?
Monkeyone 0
Hahahahahaha!