Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML
Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML
Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML
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Top comments
hbcbmx 5
Change the locks while hes gone ;)
geod69 8
Probably with his other mistress
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Comments (265)
Sankuri 9
Make friends and gang up. He sounds like he'd deserve double trouble.
ninjuh_wingman 29
He has a mistress for his wife and he has a mistress for his mistress. This guy can just not be satisfied.
theboogieman 0
I'm diggin the DEVGRU man:)
j_cat187 20
Awww your picture made me sad
hedgehog80 0
Lol I was thinking he had a vibrator, that would be wierd
t765234 10
42 This is FML ,on here sympathy is for the weak and pathetic, the real coolness is elitism, emotional detachment and the ability to take pleasure from the pain of others.
easton222 2
Well obviously you don't please him enough
Daydreemdie 0
Thats kinda mean
Daydreemdie 0
Fail
Baytheshark 14
Hey asshole this chick just found out her husband is cheating on her, be a little kinder. Show some sympathy, I hope your spouse cheats on you.
LadyLexi 0
42 - 15 was referring to the first sentence. And how is that rude in any way? 15 just didn't read it carefully and thought it said vibrator. You are now the asshole. :)
rayrayray23 1
^win
hedgehog80 0
You really need to chill out.
geon_olam 17
Seriously
bizarre_ftw 22
84 - also, if you read FML you're automatically a sadist to some degree no matter how small. This site is quite literally a place to go and laugh at others misfortunes. So 42 just shut up or crack a joke :) Case point, 90^ your homework: perdix, every1luvsboners, ikickgingers, DocBastard
bizarre_ftw 22
Oh, also, welcome to FML ^_^ Muffin basket? Careful, they bite
CryMoreFMLs 15
93 - How could you forget me..? *runs away crying*
bizarre_ftw 22
It was an after thought, I had to type quickly. Besides you're implied :) And if that excuse doesn't work: it's FML, that just how it goes
benderbot19 0
Did someone say muffin basket?
FYLDeep 26
Contact your divorce lawyer. Maybe he or she can get a hold of him.
afulks78 11
Dump his ass.
haw008 14
Divorce*
perdix 31
Y'know, if he's already regularly ******* another woman, dumping him is not exactly much of a punishment.
mfbeezy11 0
Half!
tennis_jens 5
Message me ;)
whisperingeye13 0
Agreed 94. In my opinion you should have the mistress move in with you and your husband! Why would we do such a thing you ask yourself! Well I assure you that you two could make him much more miserable that way! You could make him go on twice the shopping trips, have twice as many emotional talks while he is trying to watch sports center, turn him down on sex twice as many times, and bitch at him for a being a lazy good for nothing twat nearly constantly! He'd commit suicide before long and you could avoid the nasty divorce process.
cb1002630 11
perhaps there's a third mistress? which would make him a triple douchebag. I'm very sorry for you hun, but at least you know
RabidBunny 10
We all live double lives :D ... No I'm just kidding. Forget working things out, nothing will satisfy you more than revenge! Good luck!
bizarre_ftw 22
Get to know her, make her like you, convince her to help you screw him over, have her set up a meeting and be there instead. Then walk up to him, hand him divorce papers, and drive away in your new red Ferrari with bags of gucci and prada to your new Extremely expensive beach house, all in your name and bought with the money from your new account.
murdersquirrel 15
Still making not funny comments that go on for far too long, I see.
bizarre_ftw 22
Only to please the masses Besides? What else should I do to pass my time, murdersquirels?
guppyfishlette 1
Noooo! Don't harm the squirrels!! Lol
xiaoxaio 5
she was talking about the guy's name..
dumboears 8
157 - I cannot stop laughing. That comment was funnier then any FML I've seen in awhile.
stepanek911 1
have a family reunion?