Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML
Today, I caught my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, as I fed my dog his dinner of chicken offal, a drumstick, a wing, a mackerel, and a raw egg, my dad bitched and moaned that I waste money feeding him meat instead of just buying the cheapest kibble at the store. FML
Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
This is an FML for the dogs. Your mom should keep the deer heads in your fridge where they can stay fresh and watch you. (I think I just invented a great weight-loss plan.)
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Honey, go fetch a severed deer head from the garbage can! Don't worry about the neighbors, they club baby seals for fun."
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Comments (2)
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Honey, go fetch a severed deer head from the garbage can! Don't worry about the neighbors, they club baby seals for fun."
RichardPencil 32
This is an FML for the dogs. Your mom should keep the deer heads in your fridge where they can stay fresh and watch you. (I think I just invented a great weight-loss plan.)