Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML
Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML
Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML
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Top comments
hbcbmx 5
Change the locks while hes gone ;)
geod69 8
Probably with his other mistress
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Comments (265)
TheWetzel 5
That's because he is the mistress. I dunno, some people make jacking off exciting...
indistructo 3
why would he have a mistress?! some people...
Rasetsu 10
Why do I always grin at these? If I was her I'd be sharpening my chain saw, not laughing.
criminalmindsfan 0
Dude, I'm sorry, that must really suck :(
Maxgolub 13
Maybe he went to go die like scum like that should
conholio33 28
So sorry OP why not change the locks while hes gone that will shock him when he cant get back into the house
tsim_fml 0
same?
BRidgetg123 0
you just HAVE to fart in his face!!
NickiLovesChris 2
WTF?
Monkeybuttcream 4
The solution is simple... 1. Enter the settings of the phone to find the phone number. 2. Pay a transvestite hooker ( from Craigslist) (one whom specifically has herpiganasifilaids) to request a meet with the husband under false pretenses ( perhaps as a friend of the mistress) in a poorly lit motel 6 economy suite. Specifically instruct the prostitute that the male would like this video taped and is into domination and bondage (and that the safeword is "enter wife's name here") Meanwhile, the wife would log into the husband's Facebook account change the status to "single" and post that he is no longer into tacos (include the link to the life motel 6 camera feed). Easy enough.
mom2pen 4
I want you to plan my revenge when I get back at my cheating ex.
andres0405 0
Sorry to be the dumb one but what's a mistress :$
FreezeeMonsta 19
a mistress is like "The other woman"!