Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML
Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML
Today, I caught my husband masturbating to porn. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he was masturbating when he has a wife to have sex with. He said, "Because you always reject me?" I was about to yell back when I realized he was right. I'm a terrible wife. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
They play with balls more than you do, apparently.
maskedman 9
I guess now you have to take women's tennis away from, which leads to him teeing off to women's golf, which eventually leads to him polishing his pin to "women's" bowling. The masculine women of women's bowling makes an easy transition into homosexuality which leads to a divorce. Let your husband watch normal **** so that we can put a stop to this.
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Comments (209)
cracktus 0
YDI for being disappointed when your husband took the only remaining venue when you forbade him to watch ****.
Iskaria 0
Yes if he already told her he was horny and she knocked him down - no if he didn't even bother first.
maskedman 9
I guess now you have to take women's tennis away from, which leads to him teeing off to women's golf, which eventually leads to him polishing his pin to "women's" bowling. The masculine women of women's bowling makes an easy transition into homosexuality which leads to a divorce. Let your husband watch normal **** so that we can put a stop to this.
rasellersjr 0
absoloutely brilliant, don't be such a bitch op
chaos753159 4
You should play tenis mabye hes into amature 2
Emrysa 1
YDI. He should leave you, since you're too insecure to deal with him watching ****. Lighten up. Maybe you should watch **** and learn to **********, then your husband would be easier to swallow. ;)
FMyLifeTaterPoon 0
Get laid¡!!!!!
drgnsf8 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
good for you not letting him watch ****!! if he wants it, he should do the work to get you in the mood. he probably jerks off cause he's too lazy to spend time with you. get rid of him- he obviously doesn't care to put your needs in front of his.
Emrysa 1
Ah the hypocrisy. Ejaculation is a normal bodily function. If he feels the need to jerk off, he is taking care of a basic bodily function, so unless his wife wants to constantly take care of those needs, she should let him **********. It is healthy and normal. Clearly his wife doesn't care to put his needs in front of her own, since she is too immature to understand that some people have larger sex drives, and do in fact **********. It sounds like he's making an attempt to compromise by not watching pornography when he jerks off. His wife should quit being so insanely controlling and discuss it with him instead of whining about it on FML.
FoundManyLemons 0
You just told a woman to leave her husband because he masturbates. You fail at male.
waterynuggets 0
LOL @ "You fail at male." Nice one
zendaddy0 0
hey I can tell your future you will marry a guy and make him your slave controlling him with sex and not letting him masterbait until he leaves you or commits suicide but that's just me
hulk23 2
Good for you? If he wants to ********** because his needs aren't bring fulfilled that's his business!!
terecgtza 7
what the hell is the problem with women and their feminism , I'm a female and I don't care if my boyfriend jerks to a woman on a computer screen, it's not like he is cheating on me
emmmilyyy 0
wow you are a shitty wife, not letting him watch ****. WTF is wrong with you
tokyohenjin 5
MAN, do you deserve it, OP. **** is not evil—lighten up and let him watch. Just for good measure, go read the Savage Love archives while you're at it.
Fumbles88 0
YDI and more - if you're not going to give him what he wants then you should at least let him do it himself! I bet you're a selfish bitch who expects him to go down on you all the time and then never return the favor! Selfish bitches like you make me ******* sick.
bigdickprick 0
Oh Vanessa Williams. OMG Vanessa Williams. OMG I came.
perdix 31
Vanessa Williams is an actress and a former Miss America. Jacking off while thinking about her is pretty obvious and easy. You meant VENUS Williams, and if you can manage to come with her in mind, you must be beating it like it owed you money!
rasellersjr 0
rofl "beating it like it owes you money"