Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML
Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML
Today, I caught my husband masturbating to porn. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he was masturbating when he has a wife to have sex with. He said, "Because you always reject me?" I was about to yell back when I realized he was right. I'm a terrible wife. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
They play with balls more than you do, apparently.
maskedman 9
I guess now you have to take women's tennis away from, which leads to him teeing off to women's golf, which eventually leads to him polishing his pin to "women's" bowling. The masculine women of women's bowling makes an easy transition into homosexuality which leads to a divorce. Let your husband watch normal **** so that we can put a stop to this.
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Comments (209)
bigdickprick 0
Also, #17 that is just the illogical logic that women use to start an argument ultimately leading to a bitchslap. He is inconsiderate because he J's his D? Wow STFU already.
vetter_fml 0
I don't think the problem is (entirely) him masturbating. There are a couple of other things floating around. The whole issue of **** can be one. It's addicting. It is often times degrading. And if she's worried about him wanting her later, it also sets up this unreal standard where hot/above average girls sleep with, well, anyone. Then there's the matter of catching him. She was home so it's probably insulting--at least to her pride-- to know that she could be there and he'd still rather get himself off to something virtually asexual. If she *wasn't* home, and she just stumbled into the whole situation, then she should be somewhat proud of him, I guess, for abiding by her rules even when she's not around. 'cause the internet is everywhere and **** is easy.
Nakedsquirrel 5
Without knowing their situation exactly you can't be certain, but the whole "would rather **********" thing can easily be because the wife just doesn't put out. Given that she was "confronting" him for watching ****, which she dislikes, I have my doubts that she does her part to nurture a good intimate relationship. She probably doesn't want to have sex, either.
rasellersjr 0
^ What he said.... I'm just gonna go out on a limb and nickname OP Ice Box... From my past experiences, her friggidness is most likely the problem. Though we can't really put blame here without knowing what it going on in there relationship... Though I guess I just did, how bout that.... I consider myself a thourgh lover, and I'm compasionte about my parners needs, and enjoy forplay... You'd think my other half would be all over that. It's been several months FML, time to break out the **** ;P
SaturnE_fml 0
#31 -- Why the hell should the wife worry about him wanting her later?? Isn't that what marriage is about? "OP: I'm banning you from **** because I feel it may make me more desirable to you, and you'll think I'll put out for you. I don't put out for just anyone, mister." "Husband: Oh, my standards will never be that high. I like Ron Jeremy in a skirt waving a stick at balls"
holliee_91 0
bahahaha
uhohuscrewedup 0
time to hit the gym
babybubz 0
no... FhisL for having to ********** to tennis.
FoundManyLemons 0
Tennis grunts may be unladylike, but they sound nothing like ****. And something is missing from your husband's sex life if women's tennis is all he needs for inspiration.
perdix 31
Have you heard Maria Sharapova? I'd love to have that big, blond Russian sliding up and down my pole making the noises she does on the court! You are mostly right about the grunting being unsexy, but there are some boner-inducing exceptions;)
bugmenotmofo 34
Could have been worse, it could have been wildlife documentaries.
thats_awesome 0
now thats freakin' hilarious.
anonymous45610 0
one tip, NEVER ever ask a girl that you live with if it's "that time of the month" unless you're married
perdix 31
Women's tennis is sexxxxxy! I like to borrow Serena Williams' famous line during rough sex: "I'm going to take this ******* ball and shove it down your ******* throat."
lamusicajunky 0
he should be able to watch ****. men are sexually tormented with the constant urge so don't be a prude. he's not cheating in any way. you should watch some with him. dehumanizing anyone will just leave you controlling and annoying to those looking in and lonely in time cause there is only so much of being told what you can and can't do from someone when you really weren't doing wrong in the first place. divorce is real mama, Im sure you know the rate in the USA is very high. pick and choose your battles!