Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML
Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML
Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML
Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML
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Top comments
ohjoy15 33
Proofread. Can never do it too many times.
cutycat136 28
Make him stand on the side of the road with a big sign that reads 'I messed up my girls resumes and wrote on them that she had a dick. I am the dick'
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Comments (65)
JICor 7
It's funny but wrong... but funny.
shinikageWolf 15
Yes you have a dick and balls, formerly his. Not they are in a jar in your purse.
GamerPerson 19
Beat his ass. I'm all for jokes, but that's NOT something you mess with. You never mess with someone's livelihood.
RedRogue85 10
That does suck, but that's also priceless XD
alex101676 8
your boyfriend is an asshole. drop him.
koda2 6
That is actually pretty funny, but that sucks
thatsme293 28
Print it out and make him eat it.
Epickitty58 29
You do have a dick, OP. It's your boyfriend.
annihil8or 15
OP, your boyfriend's an idiot, but this is completely your fault. If YOU want a job why would you rely on HIM to write your resume? You should be professional enough to put it in your own words (with a healthy dose of critiquing) and proofread the hell out of it.
wolfy_fml 5
Or... you know, he could have gone onto the computer and snuck it in there and she didn't notice.
KenielX 7
Please do tell what in this post implied that he wrote her resume?
Shade1982 21
Thank god I wasn't the only one replying to this comment...
Notverycreeative 13
hahahahahaha