Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML
Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML
Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML
Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML
Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
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Top comments
AnnyPants 0
haha, wouldnt you proof-read your resume before you went out? maybe you will in future
TwilghtLuvr13 0
Please learn to, use commas correctly
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Comments (74)
Pennypoo 0
hahaha owned but im sure if u explain they would understand
myballs 0
This. You need to look at it first.
Ajjas013 6
Your brother is made of WIN. You guys made my day haha.
BravoUser 0
Lesson 1, re - read. Lesson 2, your brother is a win. Lesson 3, avoid the 30 people who now know your a douchebag. I don't know if i'm either sorry for your, your brother, or the 30 people you handed the resumes to.
maverick21703 0
I am more concerned about why the OP's resume had paragraphs in the first place. Resumes are more of bulleted outlines of skills and experiences.
Zezing 0
Hahaha Ydi for not proofreading and being a massive bag of douche
j0k32r0x 0
hahahahahhahahahaha lmfao!!!
cookiepenguin 0
beat the sh!t out of him
quent10 0
haha win
528Alice491 3
Lmao omg that really sucks but funny as shit
AnnyPants 0
haha, wouldnt you proof-read your resume before you went out? maybe you will in future
time4coffee 3
Next time proofread. Before and after you print. Duh. Explaining my brother did and I didn't notice only makes you look less competent because you didn't check first
notbuyingit 0
Lesson learned: Proof read- and then double check EVERYTIME!
TwilghtLuvr13 0
Please learn to, use commas correctly
palmtrees 1
ugh also apostrohpes... you don't need one EVERY TIME you use an "s" on the end of a word, people. For example, you don't need one for plurals. Have people just started skipping elementary school altogether?
liveBabylon 0
yeah, thats how these days are going, Man....
NY_Giants_42 0
Are you?
timewarpist 1
Haha you shoulda checked them before you printed them out (unless your brother did) or read over them again.
GR3453m0nk3y 4
hahahahaha your brother is awesome
blueknight1st 26
You deserved it for being a massive douche bag.
Bredynamite 0
EPIC win for his bro
perdix 31
There are some professions (insurance claims rep, tax collector, tech support call center operator) where that is an asset, but you might be dinged for bragging about it too much. I saw a douche bag last night. I was at a drug store and I saw that the literally sold "douche bags," I didn't think they still made them. Also, I saw the biggest pair of manboobs I'd ever seen. If it didn't have a beard, I 'd have sworn it was an ugly fat woman. Quite a night last night.