Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML
Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time left. FML
Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
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Top comments
morgann4826 0
time to stop watching so much ****
daniel1_1 13
I pity the fool.
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Comments (410)
morgann4826 0
time to stop watching so much ****
KeyboardWarrior 10
That's ALOT of ****. You must have the stamina of a steamboat.
JustinComments 3
Or to start watching **** at the library. He's got options.
TunechiXXL 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Look her in the eyes and finish like a BOSS! YOLO!
neal001 0
Dude, you need to get a girlfriend is you watch that much
Maddidaddi 0
Your mom did the wrong thing. People are curious. Sexuality should not be hidden. Your embarrassment should have been enough.
n_epic_fail 14
20- yea "YOLO" and I'd prefer to live one long life, my mother would end it in seconds if I tried living "like a boss"
theHIGHroad2 5
Someone needs to get laid ASAP!!
KeyboardWarrior 10
74 So you'd be okay with it if your parents went at it right next to you? Yeah okay just clarifying.
Maddidaddi 0
I'd get up and walk away. And that is different, you know it. Your maturity level shows.
gntfmlingnow 12
The real mistake here was not having a backup plan. Have a second -> window
Cad6 24
You do the crime, you gotta pay the time.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Alright 112. You said sexuality shouldn't be hidden, and by watching **** I assume you meant ALL types, however people seem to agree with you more so I'll just leave it at that.
porp1 4
Alt + tab?
Adorlee 11
Time to invest in a lock
_LE4RN_ 4
#199, you have the mind of Albert Einstein, I assume.
thisiscat 14
...and the title of the video, in boldface print was "Son rapes mom, gruesome wild and greasy"...
theHIGHroad2 5
Wow, you seem to know a lot about ****..
thisiscat 14
I've spent too much time around 13 year old boys..
sparkrok 8
that's what happens when you work in the industry... (just a joke cat, don't kill me!)
geassconan 1
Try fapping in public
rallets 23
rick santorum must be crying right now
SupahAsian 4
Maybe his browser settings open every link in a new tab...
cmac86 24
Never heard that one before. It made me laugh.
UsernameHere234 13
I agree with maddidaddi (sorry if I spelt your name wrong mate). It's natural to look up some **** and jack off. There shouldn't be such a drastic reaction to it unless they are like 12 which I'm assuming he's not. Just talk to him about it. Taking everything away from him seems a bit drastic for something that's natural.
False_Stupidity 42
I have a button on my mouse programmed to minimize the window just to avoid such awkward moments ;)
22cute 17
I totally agree. Punishing kids sexual curiosity is what comes from parents who have not come to terms with their OWN sexuality. So on goes the destructive cycle...
DocBasterdwanabe 4
Does your local library have any secluded computers hidden where people can't see you? If so, your in luck!
Simoneaux17 11
Actually his mom did the right thing. Where did the morals go?
HollyDolly660 8
That's for the parent to decide. If his mom is religious or something and doesn't believe in ****, then OP deserves it for not having a better plan in case someone barges in. Personally, I think exploring your sexuality is healthy and the best answer is not to take away their stuff. They should have an open discussion about it.
iliketofu 6
Now on, keep a tab open...just on case.
Stain92 14
What's wrong if they're 12? I got caught browsing **** when I was 12, all that happened is my family laughed at me. It's pretty funny looking back on it now.
nahbean13 3
Seriously? I'm 18, and my parents revoke my phone/computer if I log on to Facebook or text my boyfriend (whom they approve of highly) after 10:00 on week nights. I can't imagine what they would do if I was abusing those privileges. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting household rules and expectations with resulting consequences for teenagers- it's called PARENTING.
treewolf 5
#74 yeah until he gets a virus on their network. More **** you watch, more li kely you can get a virus.
PhinIt2WinIt 24
it's called ALT-F4. Unless you had another window behind that and it also was some hardcore open.
daniel1_1 13
I pity the fool.
Lazarevic_fml 7
Call me B.A Biceps !
domking1315 20
Does anyone else realize how pathetic this is?
Lazarevic_fml 7
Mhhh some ERB fan ? No...
lyskiss 10
...that falls in love with you. oh shit she's a gold digger, just thought you should knoww.
slimshadyfan123 4
Cuz I crush your whole gang!
detroitsucks247 3
SUCKA
thenoobftw 3
Bring Tuesday,Friday and little trolly the train and watch me dip their ass in gold and wear em like a neck chain sucka!
detroitsucks247 3
It was a reference to a video not an insult sorry..
GoodLookingGeese 10
Fu*k dude! How old are U? (OP)
VoteForTaco 8
Thanks a lot guys, now that song is stuck in my head..
Ressamies 6
I hope it's understood, get in your van and get the f*ck out of my neighbourhood
Awesomehobo44 3
#2 nice profile pic. SOMEONE needs a girlfriend.
Chaosaiyan 6
I'll choke you with your own sweater sleeves! You couldn't beat me in the land of make believe!
Shelta957 13
Libaries still good :)
Awsumuzzie 12
Library's (library is) still good. Let's go to all the libraries in town. And I think you should go to the library.
ProhibitionRose 14
Nah libraries have strict filters. Plus...what kinda creeper goes to the library to try to look at ****?
DDbaconcrazy 1
Until the old lady librarian catches you.
Awahso 25
Don't know about the UK but in the US watching **** in a library is now a felony.
The_Weirdo 10
Really? I once saw a guy watching **** in my local library. To make things worse, he was watching hentai, and was old and fat.
mopar_chick 10
At my college's library I saw a man watching ****. It was really awkward.
zack11742 7
107 then...kinky old librarian sexy times?
_LE4RN_ 4
#54, you're mistaken. Library's is not 'library is', since adding apostraphy 's' means that the noun beforehand has possesion of the next noun to come up. Unless his name is Library, congratulations, you're a total dipshit.
Awsumuzzie 12
Yes 206, trying to help with grammar, even though it's (it is) my second language, is worth cursing me out for. Please touch me again by cursing me out more and teaching me my lesson. I hope you feel tough in the end, you deserve that form of happiness.
Llama_Face89 34
I don't think the staff would appreciate OP rubbing one out between the shelves.
scarletchamber 0
ew a guy masturbating in the library ummm *shivers*
EbrithilEdward 0
206 - You're an idiot. The 's is used for both possession and as an abbreviation for is. Some obvious examples include that's, he's, or what's, to name just a few. Take a cue from your username and LEARN before you speak.
KeyboardWarrior 10
And 206 takes the cake it biggest grammar nazi fail I've ever seen.
Azail 15
Speaking of corrections 206 please learn to spell the word apostrophe before calling someone else out on their mistakes you wanna be grammar nazi.
sordanjymes 6
Nice try, but it's apostrophe, not "Apostrophy".
_LE4RN_ 4
I thank you for the hope you have for me, but you're still mistaken. As I said before, adding the apostraphy 's' to a NOUN (which I think that "it" is not a noun) means possession of. I'm an English major. Don't try and ******* correct me. You're still a dipshit.
KeyboardWarrior 10
They need to take that major away! What are they, handing it out on street corners now? Your English fails. If I said "He's over here.", what does that mean? It means "He is over here". Not over belongs to him. Stop trying to sound smart, you make yourself look worse with every comment.
KeyboardWarrior 10
One more example: If I said "Subway's serving hot dogs.", it means "Subway is serving hotdogs". Now stop calling people dipshits when this language is not even their first. You're disgracing the public education system with your horrid attempts at trying to shove it down people's throats. And you are also making majors sound even more like a load of crap.
rabbittboi 18
352 - You should study more. The possessive singular form of library is Library's.
PenguinSwag47 0
Someone's a wittle upset about a gwammar mistake, aren't we?
dancecrazzzy 0
Stop correcting peoples grammar that's just offensive
dancecrazzzy 0
Stop trying to be funny your just being plan rude
keven501 12
Got enough **** up?
ClassyCommando 13
That's why I always keep one softcore **** tab open...just in case :)
nonamericandolla 6
I would do the same! :D you deserve it! I don't get people like ****!
shanemaximo 7
It's time to see what the local libraries hardcore **** policy is.
Mister_Triangle 21
Some people just aren't satisfied with one video at a time.
spinx13 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You might want to think about attempting a social life if your **** viewing habits are that horrid. Go out, make friends, get your hands off your dick for a while.
Vert90 11
He never said anything about his social life Even popular people ********** man. It's not something specific to nerds and social outcasts.
JustinComments 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
However, social outcasts and nerds tend to be the ones jerkin it.
Lauren10102 3
Everyone assumes that OP is a guy, girls watch **** and ********** too!
Jakesterk96 8
If only the male international sign was at the top to tell us OP's gender.*sigh*
FMLshark 12
36: It shows the OP's gender sign. OP is a dude. Does nobody pay attention anymore?
Awsumuzzie 12
I love when girls bring attention upon themselves in the topic of sex, masturbation, and ****. Prime example; Lauren. BTW, WE GIRLS ALSO LOVE **** AND BEING ON TOP DURING SEX, YOU DARN SEXISTS!
Maddidaddi 0
He didn't even say he was masturbating.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
77- Yeah, but let's face it; he probably was :P
Maddidaddi 0
I've watched ****, let's face it; we've all done it. But I didn't **********. It's a weird thing.
norotors 16
Especially if you're doing it with mom at home and the door unlocked.
KeyboardWarrior 10
117 So masturbation is weird now? Are you not the one that just said the mom did the wrong thing and that you all for open sexuality? I don't know, seems a bit hypocritical.
perdix 31
#56, I find it adorable that although you are talking about sex, **** and masturbation, you use DARN, instead of "damned." You too cute!
The_Tool1 13
YODO
Awsumuzzie 12
161,
Awsumuzzie 12
Oops, 161,
CSTDude77 7
Lmao you said it!
HeartOfLead 24
Lauren, intriguing picture, if it's not a pipe then what is it?(couldn't see any other writing I have the iPod version)
tayrex77 3
it is not a pipe. it is a picture of a pipe.
downtime 13
5, Nothing suggests they were sitting there for days or hours, nothing says its even a habit...you may want to make judgements on problems that have some form of real evidence behind them next time.
FML_Master2133 6
36 - you ****** idiot we can see their sex beside the FML (at least i can on my iPod but I'm still pretty sure it shows on a computer or whatever device you have)
bhai33 9
How do you know it was a guy
disc120 2
What the guy above me said.
IzabellaBlack 0
TRUE.
ghostlilac 25
Six?? Isn't that a bit excessive?
stevenJB 25
It was going to be "explosive" if his mom Didn't barge in. :)
demonmonkey 13
105- Maybe it still was......
obri98 10
They were probably just pop ups.
b0ngs 7
105- you just gave me an unwanted visual 0_o
HeartOfLead 24
OP was probably trying to find his computer's limits.
swooper86 5
How is six tabs excessive? Open a bunch of videos, let them load, watch in order. I'd say six is low, even.
YourAFailmod 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Use ur moms now
upyourzlolz 11
What? Use his moms **** videos?
Lazarevic_fml 7
Everyone do that no ?
Cad6 24
Yea #7 because every **** addict's mum definitely has her own **** videos.
Vert90 11
Everyone watches **** man, especially teenagers, but you have to spare your parents. ********** late at night when they're asleep or something. But YDI. You were terribly unstealthy.
The_Hitdude 12
You're profile says you have 0 comments, yet I've already seen 2...I'm not sure whether to turn myself in to a mental institution or carry around garlic and a silver bullet....
TannerMinnich 0
The second one will work best but always have a back up plan...
HannahWho 8
No ninja jerking for this mofo. Yea, you need to plan out the **** watching and jerking for times when no one is at the house. Someone needs a mast 101
biggestfan23 11
Yea you're an idiot. Ydi for watching **** with your mom up and about
dkaur 0
What's ydi
kelissa_fml 16
Yoda digs idiots
KeyboardWarrior 10
Yellow Dingy Iguanas. Here's an example. OP (Optimus Prime), why would you eat that? YDI (as in, Yellow Dingy Iguanas made him do it).
nofearjenshere 12
Your Dad's Ignition.
illmatic2 16
Yawning Douchebags Incorporated
boydeee01 7
Yucky dicky icky
t765234 10
81- It's you damn idiot.
demonmonkey 13
Young Dying Immigrants
glittercookies 12
Yodeling demanding intestines
zakkyzebra 11
Your Dick Imploded. It's a very rare, but serious case.
tpike1296 11
You drugged 'im. As in: Why did that naked man dance in my back yard? Well, YDI
jizzwold 21
You damned impotent... Example: YDI OP. (you damned impotent ostrich penis)
rubberduckie94 13
Your **** viewing habits have caught up with you. She probably was just waiting to catch you in the act because she was noticing one arm was becoming much bigger than the other.
darkmage4 0
hahaha. "Girl look at my right arm." ;) instead of "Girl look at my body. " :3 Also reminds me of Family Guy, when Quagmire discovered internet ****. xD