Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, the police turned up. It turns out the girl I slept with two nights ago was burgled. She told my great aunt, who happens to live next door to her. They then told my grandparents, who then told my mum. I'm now a suspect. FML
Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML
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Top comments
colderthanyou 15
Guess who’s a number one suspect!? I know it’s tempting to threaten those shitty people, but you just can’t for this very reason. I do hope there is a follow up for this one though
stormy0307 16
This is why you don’t make threats.
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Comments (15)
stormy0307 16
This is why you don’t make threats.
colderthanyou 15
Guess who’s a number one suspect!? I know it’s tempting to threaten those shitty people, but you just can’t for this very reason. I do hope there is a follow up for this one though
Shawnie Gallant 24
Did you expect the threat to have no consequences? It’s 2019, someone will call the police over a car alarm.
donthatemebut 14
And the #1 suspect of the case is named Poopamus
BurnInDemonFire 39
Maybe he took your threat seriously. Or maybe you followed through with it. *squints suspiciously*
RichardPencil 32
Sounds like a fun Carmen Sandiego episode. You leading the cops to various exotic countries to show them where you buried body parts.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Imagine having to travel halfway around the world just to find some dead guy's junk.
alycion 39
Probably took off after telling someone about the threat to screw with you. And I wouldn’t take that possibility lightly.
Jonkbaby 23
you were just protecting your girl
queenwolfblood 8
that's why the cops ask you something you always ask why before you give an answer.
zuckerburg 21
*detective hat* So if he's missing since the day you threatened him, who told the police? Or were you smart enough to yell at him in front of people?