Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML
Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
Why lie OP? If I was that cashier I wouldn't judge you; I'd be jealous you are buying all that candy. Got anything sour??? Share the wealth!
dimerneckel 22
They know that that is what you are doing with all that candy... You aren't fooling anyone
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Comments (78)
BubbleGrunge 18
Why lie OP? If I was that cashier I wouldn't judge you; I'd be jealous you are buying all that candy. Got anything sour??? Share the wealth!
magaliwoodrock 19
I know right, if I was a cashier I wouldn't even care.
incoherentrmblr 22
I guess no one remembers the cashier from Home Alone...
Enslaved 38
The cashier may not care but some people do judge. Sadly myself included. Honestly, I try not to but I sometimes find myself checking out people's shopping charts in line and it especially saddens me when I see an obese child clinging on to a chart full of nothing but junk food. If this behaviour is making the OP (whom calls them self "Fatass") feel shameful then it might be the breaking point to make some changes in their life?
91hayek 31
I know you meant cart but the image of a tubby kid with a chart of sweets is hilarious. It'll of course be a pie chart, the best kind of chart there is.
BubbleGrunge 18
34-I usually agree with what you say, but who really gives a **** what people think? When you stop caring about what people think who mean nothing to you, life is so much easier. As for judging other people and what's in their cart, mind your business. Obesity is a problem in the world, but posting on FML isn't going to make a difference. Sorry that sounded really bitchy and I don't mean to be but one of the problem with people in the world is that they are too busy worrying about other people and not fixing what's wrong with themselves (that is not directed to you, but to society as a whole:)
feelingold 18
Why lie to the cashier? When I'm buying lotion and tissues I always make sure they know it's all just for me.
Alastor13X 8
You are your greatest critic. If you don't like you for who you are then you can change it. No one should change for others. That only shows you don't live for yourself. The only other influences should be loved ones who only want you to change for the right reasons, and I don't mean some asshole you are with that tells you how disgusting you are, I mean someone who is good to you and makes you feel good about yourself. Ultimately, if you are happy with who you are, then **** all else. Buy your junk and love yourself.
laden_swallow09 35
Sure. Be happy with your Type II diabetes and outrageous cholesterol. At least you'll die with a smile on your face when you have a heart attack while trying to shuffle your way from your bedroom to the lavatory.
elns_studios 11
#61 "You are your greatest critic" tell that to the people who made the 2012 animated movie that cost 5 billion dollars to make, Food Fight. If you think it would be good because it had 5 billion to play with, watch the movie and tell me what you think.
blazingshot147 19
Sadly #34 people have a hard time changing their eating habits. Sure as hell was hard for me. Anyways they have a lot more access to the cheap good stuff than the expansive awesome stuff. I mean let's take a single candy bar vs a single serve steak; one costs about 99 cents and the other depending on the cut and where you got it is $4-6 a lb for the cheap stuff and $9-12 a lb for the butcher cuts. It's much more easier to buy more junk food for less than less good stuff for more.
dimerneckel 22
They know that that is what you are doing with all that candy... You aren't fooling anyone
Vagitarian1 10
Sweet
thomcmoore 23
Sweets*
darryaz 9
That's why I always go to more than one store when I'm going to gorge myself on candy.
graceinsheepwear 34
You're seriously that concerned about what the cashier will think? FYL
4funzies 13
I too have a miserable sweet tooth. Fun dip is my weakness.
junkman6 22
I had to go to the gas station for fun dip after reading this comment.
4funzies 13
It's the best!
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
diabetes & obesity are real friend, take it easy
letmehavemytea 21
Treat your body like a temple and you won't have to feel shitty for enjoying sweet stuff.
kylieh72 25
And cavities! Brush well, OP.
blueboy154 12
Why would u lie? The cashier wouldn't care if you got it for yourself.
court_f 8
There should be no shame.... Candy is my weakness too. You're not alone my friend.
JMichael 26
If you feel so badly about it then change it.
CattiniThePanini 14
I feel your pain... thats what I do.