Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML
Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML
Today, I went to a grocery store after work, exhausted. I nodded politely at a woman who smiled at me repeatedly. I realized at checkout she thought I was someone she knew. I nodded through a full conversation without knowing who I was pretending to be. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
If she still had both legs, she must have settled for cheaper candy.
Chazzster 32
At one point or another we’ve all said something we were embarrassed for having said - It’s part of being human… Having said that, it’s always wise to “read the room” before saying something that could turn out to be embarrassing.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
If she still had both legs, she must have settled for cheaper candy.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Nope. An arm and a leg is the retail price. Wholesale is just an arm.
Chazzster 32
At one point or another we’ve all said something we were embarrassed for having said - It’s part of being human… Having said that, it’s always wise to “read the room” before saying something that could turn out to be embarrassing.
Anderling 33
For what it’s worth most disabled people will recognize that it wasn’t intended to be a jerk move, and some may have Very Strong Feelings on not adjusting your language around them.
Marcella1016 32
Yep, this. I had a blind friend who always said “Good to see you!” Very sweet soul who loved to joke around. Apparently understood that it was just a phrase and used it as such. RIP.
tiptoppc 21
Hopefully before the awkwardness got worse, you disarmed the cashier from handing you insults. Gotta hand it to them, they kept a cool upper hand.