Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Today, a barbecue joint opened near my apartment, close enough that I can smell the kitchen exhaust. I'm a vegan activist, so smelling animals being burned is a serious trauma for me. Now I either have to either move or constantly feel sick and depressed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I have to pretend to be vegan for a week while visiting my in-laws to avoid eating there. While they are absolutely wonderful, kind, loving people, their kitchen is absolutely disgusting, and their food handling habits are atrocious. I’m so hungry. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, my boyfriend spent half his paycheck on gourmet steaks, bacon, and all sorts of other meat. When I reminded him we were trying to go meatless to help the planet, he said, "Yeah, I'm done with that. The planet can burn." We'd only been vegan three days. FML
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Top comments
fortehlulocaust 6
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
hitmanoo 16
That's because vegetarian isn't a natural human condition. It's a learned social habit.
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Comments (122)
IgotPoked 0
First!!
cmayo 3
Mmmm. Steak.
thebadmanpuntedb 7
Your body isn't confused. It's a natural reaction telling you that your mind is ******.
AnonymousTroll 2
Try a burger, it has both beef and lettuce!
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
You can enjoy the smell without enjoying the actual meal. Go stalk the steak house and get your fix on the fumes.
Tgyr34 0
If you've never eaten meat, you're missing life.
tacovender 7
Op doesn't like bacon!
indianguyinuk 12
its second nature buddy......its second nature
duke56924903 11
Meat is delicious. You choosing not to eat it doesn't change that.
DJJuantioFresh 0
The human body has used animal flesh to stay alive and strong, you Sir, would be the one who died due to natural selection.
PhillyEagles 0
We are all going to die one day, might as well do what you want no matter how intense or not. If you enjoy being a vegan, good but your missing out on something great. Also those animals are going to die anyway so might as well eat them. Its not selfish. I see your point I love animals to, and I eat them but I dislike thing where the animal is captive all its life then slaughtered.
jdm1969 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If God didn't want us to eat meat he wouldn't have made animals out of it.
cmayo 3
What's God have to do with anything? Just curious.
Shrike 24
he was quoting that tard Sarah Palin
Ranimal 12
What's God?
Andr913 13
10-What's God got to do with it, got to do with it? What's God, but a secondhand emotion?
celineV303 7
22 - lmaoo nice Tina Turner xD
underdose 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
First of all we dont all beleive in your god secondly that doesnt excuse animal abuse and torture which goes on in factory farms
Marcella1016 32
OMG 3 made a fabulous joke and you guys shot it down to hell. Crap I'm gonna get flamed for mentioning hell now aren't I? -_-
thebadmanpuntedb 7
Sorry buddy but if it weren't for factory farms you wouldn't have anything to eat. There is already not enough to eat and you want to eliminate factory farms which produce more than 50% of the worlds food.
OrgasmicBunnies 9
Not to mention how the body loses important vitamins and protein from it. That's just the way of life.
toelie 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
From what? Being vegetarian? That's a myth. You can get the vitamins and minerals from other foods. You just need to educate yourself and know what you're doing.
kaprookie 3
Meat is delicious, people can do what and eat what they want but I could never ever, ever give up meat, we are omnivores we were designed to eat both meat and vegetables, also the animals in those factories were breed to die, its not like they were ripped apart from their family when they were calfs. No they were breed in the factories and were going to die there, animals eat other animals, its NATURE!
schrodingersdog 4
Toelie, actually from being vegan. Even the vitamins end up using animal byproducts to make them. Also, I think that the protein you get from animals breaks down better in our system than alternative protein.
MrBoredGuy 1
Hey i used that line on a similar FML not too long ago, relax people... It's just a joke
cameron194 9
lol exactly 69,does a shark ever consider eating seaweed because he doesn't want to hurt other fish..no, he does it out of necessity .. there's a food chain OP, enjoy being at the top of it lol
MerrikBarbarian 9
Factory farms are not sustainable. People need to get away from mass produced cheap meat if they want to continue to eat meat. Hunt or raise your own, go vegetarian, or buy from on site killed local producers but factory farms are not the answer. They are the problem. They produce most of the greenhouse gases which cause global warming.... Ya know the reason food prices are up because of huge farm losses caused by abnormal storms?
fortehlulocaust 6
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
Hammer940 7
One of us, one of us!
Andr913 13
We accept her, we accept her! Gooble gobble gooble gobble!
Yetifoot 0
Gooble gobble? Poo.
Marcella1016 32
LOL it's from an episode of South Park. And thanks it's gonna be in my head all day lol
Falassalond 16
61- south park got it from an old black and white movie. I think it's called Freaks. It had one of the munchkins from wizard of oz in it as well as his wife.
dogpup4 23
Its actually from a movie about a freakshow haha.
RoseCrystal 17
I think your body is craving real protein, not soy bi-product.
FYLDeep 26
But I thought phytoestrogens were the way to go... Or wait, that's just if you want to lose your ability to have children.
hitmanoo 16
That's because vegetarian isn't a natural human condition. It's a learned social habit.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
On the flip side, nor is eating meat daily. Humans are meant to eat mainly vegetarian with the odd bit of animal protein mixed in. One meat meal a week and a couple egg and dairy dishes between and the rest vegan is actually what humans are meant to eat. The eat meat daily is why so many are overweight and suffering heart problems and diabetes at ever earlier ages
Hansemans 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Principles are not always the easiest path from A to B. In fact, if going for the easy road was what one wants, just stick with pragmatism.
croso88 5
Um.... Yeah meat is not burnt flesh. I eat it medium rare so it's never burnt
Llamassss 21
So, if I grilled your arm and it was still pink in the middle, would you not go to the hospital for third degree burns?
kaprookie 3
56 - You look like a Kurt Cobain with bleached hair, lets be friends
bemylove123 9
Your body wants what your body wants...