Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML
Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML
Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML
Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML
Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML
Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML
Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yelled at the top of her voice, "Stop following me, you freak." I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML
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Top comments
theamazingone_12 7
you obviously have nice boobs
Rommel1942 9
Hahaha. Gotta love the stupid excuses people make these days
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Comments (180)
stormchaser24 24
Dang, I would ask him of his balls are fake. Then kick.
biggestfan23 11
That makes no sense
melikeyturtles 3
Failed attempt at trying to get the first comment.
SpaceCadet87 0
Oooo, good comeback! NOT!
olpally 33
Secutity guard?? Mods I believe that's security guard!! Lol, or is that a pun within the FML??
kandi_kid69 15
66- I think OP was making a pun. :)
olpally 33
Thanks 72 :) I'm glad I read that carefully then :D
olpally 33
Um, they changed it to security guard now, good job mods! No pun I guess.. :/ FML
olpally 33
Welcome didi
Shrlockhomyz 5
Haha dawm .. Well were they?
kandi_kid69 15
Dawm?
geerod22 5
*Damn. I know, such a hard word to spell.
hellaflushfa5 6
I'm getting so tired of these "well are they?" or "well did you?" comments. I HAVE YET TO SEE AN OP REPLY BACK TO THEM SO JUST STOP PEOPLE PLEASE.
geerod22 5
I've seen multiple OPs comment back, it's a rare occurrence, but happens. I'd love to see www.fmylife.aftermath.com, where OPs can go to tell the rest of the story.
Sirin_fml 47
Not rare at all; if you go on the website, you can see all the OPs' replies here: http://www.fmylife.com/authors/
geerod22 5
Learn something new everyday. Thanks Sirin!
l23VIVE 17
A mod posted!
nyctophobia 5
well that's you, everyone is different.
Rommel1942 9
Hahaha. Gotta love the stupid excuses people make these days
Feared 9
My response would always be as follows... Customer: what do you think you're doing?! Security: Boobs... Boobs everywhere.
MrLibya 2
Isn't Safeway suppose to be safe?
onlychildFTW 34
Well California is known for having a lot of fake boobs and fake faces.
igive 29
i'm from California, and that stereotype is only accurate in Hollywood.
kevinn95 0
I personally dont think its an excuse i think hes doing some mighty good securititty work she might have been a thief!
zinoxity 23
If girls don't want their boobs to be stared at, then why the hell wear low cut tops with your cleavage clearly showing? Seriously. What's the point of showing cleavage if you don't want people to see it? Get over it.
siickman 7
If you dont want stares cover that shit up, simple as that.
thesubconscious 9
Hey it was a pretty good one! I give him props!
MrBrightside21 20
He was "reading the writing on her shirt."
GaleHawthorne 0
The only stereotype for California that is agreed by everyone. It is hot down there.(This coming from a northern Canadian who has only gone to Florida once, what do I know?)
cookie_crumble89 11
Or maybe he was just perving?
happle 21
Right. Maybe.
theamazingone_12 7
you obviously have nice boobs
Feared 9
All I can think of is nice ass... Your pic is mesmerizing.
missamerica95 0
Tig ol' bitties from youtube is all I could think of when I read this.
AbbyAbyss 5
I dunno, I keep thinking of Shane Dawson saying "Boobie boobies!" in Aunt Hilda's voice.
braheem 5
high five! :D
Zedd_fml 8
And you obviously have nice ass.
PrincessPesa 20
Ass! *******! Ass and *******! Ass ass ******* ******* ass and *******!
raybillionbongen 0
ok...
AbbyAbyss 5
I didn't think anybody would get my reference... I feel at home!
Ryan_Jaxson 8
25 - That's not him, it's a guy not a girl!
oppawoppa 9
Hahaha ohhhh wow. Fun things happening at the Safeway.
xoconnie 8
The OP didnt have fun.. unless that was an attempt at being sarcastic.
zuzupetalsYO 11
Well duh
allard 14
Well, that's a titty situation! Sorry guys, I tried to think outside the box.
Sidel 11
Please go back inside the box.
allard 14
Oh come on.. It wasn't that bad.
KeannaLove 32
It sorta was....
allard 14
And besides, I did say I was sorry!
esines 9
Tough ******* allard, we do not accept your apology!
AbbyAbyss 5
Allard, I mentioned you in my bio. Give me cake.
SpaceCadet87 0
Well I laughed.
Trisha_aus 15
Sidel's pic goes together with his comment
allard 14
AbbyAbyss, I'm so happy right now! And I'm glad some people liked it. :).
brad5150 4
Clever guy
dellis44 7
be happy he didn't do a pat-down.
peachesncreem 21
Speaking of pat downs, is it just me or does everyone else get their chest area pat down at the airport? It's only happened when I traveled to the US (and within the US too) but not when I traveled to Asia or Europe :3
gracehi 33
It doesn't happen to everyone, but it's not unusual. American airport security has been molesting people ever since 9/11. It's quite controversial here, actually. Personally, I find it rather ridiculous that the TSA insists upon violating people whom they have no reason to suspect.
SwaggerMelon 6
Better to be safe than sorry 88.
gracehi 33
Yeah, because safety is a great reason to make an 80 year old woman remove her diaper and to put a 4 year old child on a no-fly list. I'm all for safety, but some of the TSA procedures are stupid and are only done to make the agency politically correct so it can't be accused of racial profiling.
peachesncreem 21
Thanks for the replies guys. I wasn't sure how it worked over there. We don't do Pat downs at our airports here.
br0ccoli 15
If I fly wearing a tampon, will they make me take that off too? That is just ridiculous.
downtime 13
95, Not at all, being too safety conscious is NOT a good thing. Theres a limit at which point it just becomes ridiculous - and airports are quickly getting to that point. Fact, if someone wants to get shit on your plane badly enough it will happen. Making it harder is good, but when it becomes chaos for those who are not doing anything wrong, or boundaries are being crossed it is totally unacceptable. It's about time those assholes learnt this and stopped ******* everyone around.
KeannaLove 32
Just say they're real and spectacular. :)
DomDomxoxo 16
That reminds me of a Seinfeld episode!
Bloodlvst 11
94 - I'm pretty sure that was the point of her comment.
DomDomxoxo 16
Oh, I apologize.
KeannaLove 32
I'm glad someone got my reference! One of the best shows ever!
DomDomxoxo 16
I haven't watched it in so long... ):
wlddog 14
Wasn't it the chick that played supermans girlfriend Lois Lane that says that line?
Bloodlvst 11
It's Terri Hatcher who says it, though she's best known for playing Susan Meyer on Desperate Housewives. And yes, I love that show. :)