Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards, the doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a Maxi Pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a Maxi Pad on my butt. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
Today, my sister caught me bent over trying to trim my pubic hairs. She took a photo of my spread ass as a joke and scared me so bad, I cut my clitoris. Currently in hospital hopped up on the really good morphine for the excruciating pain. Oh, and the stitches, God, I can't forget the stitches. FML
Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML
Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, I found out my postpartum pain is indeed because of a cyst. No, my doctors can’t drain it and relive the pain because of scar tissue. And yes, it hurts around my lady bits and in my butthole, because the cyst wraps around everything. It’s either wait it out in extreme pain or surgery. FML
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
green2go 14
That's a pain in the ass
DocBastard 40
Good luck healing your second asshole with a third asshole in the house.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (169)
green2go 14
That's a pain in the ass
lolipop1234_fml 7
Don't you mean pain in the hole :D
itsharkley 8
Hole lotta pain
Futacy 30
1- LOL cliche, but funny
dinorider_fml 4
Sounds like OP needs an a-cyst-tent to kick their sibling's ass
lolipop1234_fml 7
31- That was great!!
habibiiiiiii 2
Op needs to punch her in the boob. Hard.
Futacy 30
46- for all we know, she could be ten years old... none of this OO yet
Jjgibbs 5
Sound someone is a little butthurt ;)
CheeseTron 15
Well thats cyst insensitive.
priceyfml 7
That's a half assed pun.
Kaatosade 9
That's when you decide to accidentally trip her down the stairs.
AaronGuy 12
100, *ass-identally.
Grimmerie 31
I'm enjoying these jokes, butt aren't they a bit insensitive?
Softballchhickk 11
I incyst, they're not insensitive (:
HerroMaylaHerro 6
OP's sister sounds like an ass
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
Find a way to get her back.
Aratiti 8
Why would you randomly kick your sibling hard in the butt?
Psych101 9
You're an only child, aren't you?
lilhellian 27
You sir are illiterate. Do reread the fml.
Psych101 9
17- If you're talking to me, I was replying to 2. That's why it was a reply.
gTOtheT 7
Because that's what siblings do. Me and my sister slap each other in the butt all the time. It's sibling love!!
JuliannVo 11
It could have been just for fun or an accident.
528Alice491 3
Why wouldn't you? O.o Tripping, kicking, punching, pantsing, thumping, teasing... Some of our greatest stories and scars are from kicking each others asses as kids. And teens. And now were making new ones as young adults. It's a love that never fades. I hope to run my sister over with my wheelchair in my old age.
Futacy 30
21- I'm pretty sure she was replying to #2
hatesfate 6
41 - how do you accidentally kick someone in their ass? I can see if they were playing soccer or another sport, but its doubtful since the OP just had a cyst removed that they would be doing that.
LeaAnne94 17
Why wouldn't you? That's what siblings do.
AaronGuy 12
29, no, that's incest.
Futacy 30
102- seriously? and i suppose kissing eachother on the cheek or forehead is too? or hugging eachother? they're signs of sibling affection. Long story short; you obviously don't have siblings that you grew up with.
green2go 14
Me and my sister get into it all the time
spiritfang11237 16
Sounds like me and my sister. Hell, my friends and I do that as well. Of course, they also know there are repercussions for actions done, and usually harsher ones for actions done against sick or injured members of our group. Get back at her when you are feeling better, but not when she is injured or sick.
Grimmerie 31
My brother threw a mattress at me this morning. Siblings kick the shit out of each other.
Aratiti 8
"You" can actually mean any person in general. I knew it was the person who wrote this who was the "victim", and the "you" stands for "someone". Don't correct other people's grammar if you're not even right. Also, I have my own brother, and I mean we argue, but we don't kick eachother.randomly.
hatesfate 6
^just admit you failed and move on
CatchMe25 16
108 - I'm assuming that I'm the only one that caught that 29 said they slap each other "in the ass"? That's probably what prompted 102's comment...
hatesfate 6
^whos a bright little crayon... That's right, you are!
gTOtheT 7
102- I'm pretty sure that not incest. It's love. It's not like we're slapping each other in a sexual way. It's just funny.
CatchMe25 16
Hatesfate...I'd rather be a bright crayon than a malignant blastoma like you. Maybe you should cut back on the haterade a bit
TurtleSmile 14
Did she know?
Clioo_fml 17
Does it matter? She was probably in pain before the kick...just imagine what she's feeling now.
lacespace 8
Well it kind of matters whether she was intentionally being an asshole or not
Inheritance 10
Nope 3 she didn't because you know siblings don't care about each others well being or health. She just felt like being a bitch and doing that.
SystemofaBlink41 27
35- well under both circumstances she'd still be an asshole, but under the "knowing" circumstance it'd be extra asshole-ish...
Eila1996 5
If she knew about it, then she is a bitch!
countrygirl626 16
I would think the sister would know that their sibling was having surgery.
Eila1996 5
Yeah, I just wanted to make sure.
satanic_fml 13
what an asshole
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Really puts a new meaning to it eh
xLIGHTS_fml 23
Did it explode o.o
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
If it did, does that make op an ass-blaster?
RaggleFrock 13
No. It was removed, they packed the crater it left behind with gauze.
bReLiNg 18
It must've been HUGE! I had one on my face and I needed two operations. But on the ass! God poor OP :(
ZiplockP 0
The cyst was already removed dumbass.
Shleebs 12
Your life sounds rough.
JrLee87 6
Hey
toxic_love_sick 0
Dick move :/
JerryH 9
I think you mean ass move
DocBastard 40
Good luck healing your second asshole with a third asshole in the house.
gc327072 31
I bet OP's feeling pretty butthurt about this whole thing.
outoftown 27
Unfortunately, insurance won't cover removal of the third asshole.
Ajwc101 24
I like what you did their Doc.
DarksideDoll 31
I laughed way harder at this than I'd like to admit.
lilhellian 27
hmm a new hole vs a new crack. discussion time:)
BellaBelle_fml 23
Wait, what?