Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards, the doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a Maxi Pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a Maxi Pad on my butt. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
Today, my sister caught me bent over trying to trim my pubic hairs. She took a photo of my spread ass as a joke and scared me so bad, I cut my clitoris. Currently in hospital hopped up on the really good morphine for the excruciating pain. Oh, and the stitches, God, I can't forget the stitches. FML
Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML
Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, I found out my postpartum pain is indeed because of a cyst. No, my doctors can’t drain it and relive the pain because of scar tissue. And yes, it hurts around my lady bits and in my butthole, because the cyst wraps around everything. It’s either wait it out in extreme pain or surgery. FML
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
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Top comments
green2go 14
That's a pain in the ass
DocBastard 40
Good luck healing your second asshole with a third asshole in the house.
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Comments (169)
tamgibbo 5
I would have totally bitch slapped the *****.. For freaken real.... Ouch !!!!
beebeeL 1
kudos to you for not ending up on tonight's news for repeatedly stabbing ur sister to death.
hapy_pig098 13
It hurts enough to have a pimple on your but
jshaw1993 1
Literally just took my boyfriend to get the same thing done. I feel for you man, I feel so bad just watching him waddle around. Get well soon
ben827 10
Are you butthurt now?
shainmarie 5
I had a cyst removed from my tailbone 6 years ago. My brother I hadn't seen in six months kicked me as hard as he could and I hit my knees bawling before I even knew what had happened! It took six months for mine to heal. I know exactly how you feel! Good luck and I hope you heal better than I did! :)
bbake04 2
I actually had the same surgery in the same place and my brother did the same.
Aelle1209 6
At least it hadn't abscessed. I had one several years ago (not in the same place, but just as painful, if not more so) that I was hoping a couple of sitz baths would take care of, but unfortunately it only got worse and by the time I got to a doctor it had turned into an abscess. I think everyone outside could hear me screaming when it was lanced. FYL, your sister is a jackass.
hapy_pig098 13
Totally agree. What a well-thought-out comment! Some of the morons around here would've given you a TL;DR because they have the attention span of a gnat's ********, but not me, sir! Oh no!
realcreative 5
Pilonidal cyst. Those things hurt. I had one over the summer. I didn't have any morphing when the doctor took out the gauze packing though. The worst part is that for a while you'll be the butt of a lot of jokes.
RubenTheGreek 8
I have had the same problem, after the drugs wear off the first day it hurts like ******* hell. Sister or not, I'd punch her for real, you don't mess with that kinda shit, the pain is so bad you can't even sit in a car.