Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML
Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML
Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML
Today, I finally got to see my girlfriend's mouth open with pleasure… while she was scratching a bug bite. FML
Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML
Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML
Today, I discovered I have bed bugs. I have nowhere else to sleep and I won't be able to afford a new mattress for at least a year. I'd better get used to these giant welts. FML
Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML
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Top comments
Kalipczo 21
erm, if hes actually got bed bugs, you should really have him take care of that...unless you want to bring them home with you :S jussayin. they're tough little bastards.
DaMann360 19
Well that's just...sad
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Comments (49)
Lastwhiteknight 11
I'm not quite sure why but this FML bothered me, doesn't really seem like a FML to me... Captain?
MandyMeow_fml 18
I would take care of the bed bug problem first because that shit is nasty, then work on your sex life...
JuggaloSimms1441 16
Those little ******* are vicious! Girl you must've been digging or he's really that terrible! FYL!
kipperin 18
What a 'scratchy situation'.....no one? Ok I won't come back.
foxwasalamb 24
why even bother with a comment like this? just saying
worldclassrager 41
Doesn't itching has the same satisfaction of an ****** or something like that?
josh7279 7
You sound like one of the people that believe everything on the internet is true.
devildog562 33
It may be the insomnia but I immediately though of " water boy" with Adam crying H2O for you to shower the bugs off you and the entourage of people yelling needle dick for your sex life. Sorry ahead of time but I laughed.
maharb01 17
get rid of the bugs, thus the bites, then clue your boyfriend in on how much you enjoyed "fingernails on skin" 'course the fact that he has bed bugs and subjects you to them is a fairly big flag
vikky538 29
its simple just communicate with him...I think all you need from him is some bites..
candicorn 23
Your bed bug bites itch, so you scratch them. To say that you "itched" them is incorrect. The definition of "itching" is to experience a tingly or prickly sensation. It's like when people say "I borrowed her some money," instead of "I lent her some money."
okaydisarray 17
I've never heard anyone say they've borrowed someone some money...if I did, I'm not sure I could keep from smacking them.
candicorn 23
OP, I'd also like to extend my sympathy about your situation. I don't mean to be nitpicky or insensitive with the grammar tip; that just happens to be a grammar mistake that really irks me. A friend of mine had bedbugs awhile back, so I know how hard they can be to get rid of. As for the less-than-satisfactory sex life, I've been there too. I would suggest that you have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your needs and expectations. Either way, I wish you the best with both situations!
paramor3 23
I'm thinkin that maybe he needs to find some sultry material, study up, and step up his game!