Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML
Today, I finally got to see my girlfriend's mouth open with pleasure… while she was scratching a bug bite. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
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Top comments
XxXCrissyXxX 12
Have you tried talking that out? A little direction never hurt.
Lost_Ghost 8
Toys are always an option.
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Comments (102)
Lost_Ghost 8
Toys are always an option.
erikav9669 11
My favorite is the dolphin tickler
Lost_Ghost 8
Do tell! Not versed on that one.
xlord 27
My favourite is the African elephant!!! Let's just say it is difficult to walk the next day......
pistachiopanda 19
My teddy bear read this and now feels violated.
Lost_Ghost 8
A violated Teddy Bear? Who ripped the stitching?
pistachiopanda 19
Lost ghost: I conversed with him and he would like to make known that he is not a pussy, but is less than thrilled at the thought of lost stitching. Also, he thinks bug bites are disgusting, especially when scratched. He's a jerk though, so I wouldn't worry too much about his feelings.
astralvagan 20
A dolphin tickler, if I'm not mistaken, is a vibrator with 2 spots to use at the same time.... Or so my ex-wife told me....
Patriots21 14
Off to find the mythical ********!
Ambient25 25
I had to ask Chef about the ********
asnakelovinbabe 16
Or maybe working with the boyfriend and telling him what feels good... A lot of FML's about lack of pleasure could probably be solved if they would just talk to each other and communicate! I'm not sure why anyone thinks its normal or acceptable to have to endure sex that is no good and instead of working towards better sex, they just fake pleasure.
AngrySailor 17
"The Accomodater"... Google that thing!
erikav9669 11
I did, it looks like a good time
groovycrazyjoe 18
time to bring ants to bed instead if I was the boy friend
XxXCrissyXxX 12
Have you tried talking that out? A little direction never hurt.
Wizardo 34
Exactly, tell him what feels good and turns you on, if you're one of the silent in bed types then no wonder my guy is a little lost, most girls probably like different things so SPEAK UP, you hear? Cos I don't...
hemz_fml 13
You know rather than complain when he's not around you can tell him what you want.
Flowsidon 6
No
kittenmeownyan 18
Communication is key in relationships. Tell him how you feel
Crometer 23
That must've been one heck of a bug bite to feel that good
Misswildsides 22
Mosquito possibly?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
More like a ******* Night-Crawler with extra bitchy itch agent.
InfamousRaider 15
Well I was thinking what if it was irritating her in that "naughty" area
perdix 31
So, if your boyfriend had crabs, he'd be the perfect man. Usually, pubic lice are a turn-off, not tiny sex aids.
dinosxxrawr 22
he's probably a little lost. tell him how you like it!
punjabtimelord 18
Suggest having a threesome, then both of you will be satisfied ;)
perdix 31
#10, I'm not sure the boyfriend could handle crossing swords with a mosquito. The mosquitoes that bite are female, so it will be a nice, normal girl-guy-girl threesome, but it seems she's more stimulating with her sucking mouth parts than he is with his dick.
LOVELIVELAUG 4
if a relationship isnt making you happy it is ALWAYS OKAY TO LEAVE IT
mrdinofly 6
Breaking up because of unsatisfying sex? Okay.....
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
40--Um ya...thats actually the reason for some divorces.
generalasskicker 12
What shallow people
cuppycakeslove 20
Talk to your boyfriend about what you like and then you won't have to post on fml that a bug bite sexually pleased you- win win!
ozpunker 20
I guess both issues are caused by a little prick.
kenleybunch 15
That, sir, was splendid.