Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML
Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Maybe you guys ought to talk about why she's so happy to not have sex with her own husband. Sorry OP :(
saIty 17
**** it. Ignore the pain and rock her world.
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Comments (53)
Myo_fml 20
Maybe she has a condition and intercourse is painful for her therefore she doesn't enjoy it. There's a condition where the muscles down there lock up which means that your little buddy causes hot searing pain every time you two do the deed.
closeknitfamily 8
Take it as an indication that you need to step up your game!
ToriTC198 11
Perhaps OP's wife is asexual.
skyeyez9 25
A couple possible reasons: She works full time and comes home exhausted, they have an infant or toddlers running around the house.
emilyjgraham 34
That's shady? I've not heard that term used for this situation before!
gregkingsley 4
Sorry buddy, that just sucks for just you apparently.
hateevryone 15
You must not be good in bed, for her to be so happy.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You really need to talk about that.
klonnq 4
Maybe she just hates motorcycles and thinks if anything is going to get you to give it up, it's this...
jelly713 19
Your wife must be overworked. ;P Might have to tone it down.