Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML
Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Maybe you guys ought to talk about why she's so happy to not have sex with her own husband. Sorry OP :(
saIty 17
**** it. Ignore the pain and rock her world.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (53)
Wizboy 17
She's happy that you can't do it while she can, or that she doesn't have to do it with you? :O
buckdharma 38
Stop making those annoying motorcycle noises.
y012345 5
You must be terrible.
chronosphere 18
Dude you that bad in bed? Get a pill or something
perdix 31
In other words, for two weeks, she won't be accepting organ donations. Her boyfriend must be happy to have his pussy all to himself for a while.
In_some_bullshit 13
You were Not dead.. I would Not have been able to either.. But um that could be because I lost my Fiancé in motorcycle wreck..
In_some_bullshit 13
I misread this... Thought he meant she couldn't stay off his d**k...
Ayanpatel95 7
so u need to learn two things: 1) how to ride a motorcycle. 2) how to make ur wife happy!! lol
Bagel09 11
Sometimes you can't do anything if a cager doesn't see you. But, we don't know how he crashed so.
virajjjj 7
Hey man little suggestion, just try new positions and postures. And let the magic begin
perdix 31
Do you mean during sex or motorcycle riding, because the OP sounds pretty inadequate at both?
yeongji 31
There are only two reasons for her joy: (1) You are bad in bed, or (2) You never leave her alone.
DanielleinDC 34
I'm going to guess it's the first one. And OP, now is a great time for a talk with your wife about why she's so happy you shouldn't have sex for two weeks. Perhaps it's time for you to change your tactics. Make sure you know what foreplay is, for one.
TomDoc4525 4
At least her boyfriend can do it