Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML
Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Maybe you guys ought to talk about why she's so happy to not have sex with her own husband. Sorry OP :(
saIty 17
**** it. Ignore the pain and rock her world.
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Comments (53)
SerpentBoy 8
What kind of motorcycle accident occurred that your doctor actually had to tell you not to have sex without it just being implied.. Do you have road rash on your lil buddy.. In that case.. 2 weeks isn't gonna cut it..
etchsanity1 11
Probably strained or damaged muscles in the back or legs
DocBastard 40
No, it's more likely that he broke one or more bones in his pelvis. Road rash is very rare in that area, and a simple muscle injury wouldn't put you off sex at all.
exo_went_insane 12
Maybe OP has a really big penis and she's happy about a little break? Just saying..
Enslaved 38
You know what hospitals call people that own motorcycles? "organ donors"! Your wife was probably happy because she's hoping your-- no sex for two weeks would be a wake up call for you to finally decide to sell/ get rid of that bike. :P
perdix 31
I've also heard "donorcycles."
DocBastard 40
"Murdercycle" is my favourite.
emilyjgraham 34
I didn't even think of it that way! That's quite a positive way to think about it. I like it! :)
Bagel09 11
Damn cagers
wtffml1979 22
Yeah enslaved that's a new spin on it. That's very possible.
buddy51 23
She's just not that into you!!!
meow_jess 11
Well he won't be much into her either.
LolCakes111 7
Sex is like Pizza: Even if its bad, its still pretty good. She just needs to communicate.
Dilwann 27
Sex can also be really boring, therefore not all that good. Yes, she needs to communicate. But really, what's two weeks of not having sex? -.-'
DjeePee 25
Sorry Lolcakes, but I've never cried after eating pizza because it hurt (my feelings) so much.
emilyjgraham 34
Actually 24, even though 14 days without sex doesn't seem a lot if people live together and go to bed wearing a minimal amount it can kind of be hard to keep your hands to yourself if there's still physical attraction! Even if it's just one of them that feels it. :)
Squeaky_Tomato 14
Two weeks is nothing. They should be happy they have schedules that allow them to spend time together. My bf is a firefighter and I'm an EMT at a fire station and we are on opposite shifts (different departments completely). OP, sorry about the wreck. Hope you work it out with your wife!
DocBastard 40
Maybe this is the universe telling you to get rid of the death trap. I mean motorcycle. No, I meant death trap.
horneyhic 15
Saves money on gas and parking
Bagel09 11
Or.. Learn from your mistake. There are two types of riders; a rider that has fallen and a rider that is going to fall.
MeikoD 4
"Say hello to her little friend"... Either there's a major difference in your libidos or may this the time to have the chat you've apparently needed to have for while. The enthusiasm for a break in your sex life suggests that it hasn't been much fun for her, and that she feels it's a wifely duty rather than fun.. You both can come back from this, it just needs communication and understanding.
buckdharma 38
You need something to spice up your sex life. Try growing a handlebar mustashe. That might kick start things.
tj5810 21
And not on his face either.
RedPillSucks 33
And get a couple of wigs.
BellaFurfaro 12
Someone needs to watch more ****.
sammyjanette 17
Or less. **** is NOT a guide to good sex.
RedPillSucks 33
This is what one would expect from a 14 year old.
groundzeromma 8
If your sex sessions last as long as a motorcycle ride, she'll probably buy you a new bike.