Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML
Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Maybe you guys ought to talk about why she's so happy to not have sex with her own husband. Sorry OP :(
saIty 17
**** it. Ignore the pain and rock her world.
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Comments (53)
Jordath_Fil 11
Well, now you know how to make her happy... :/
Mf2307 15
that is pretty bad
MaRK8080 4
Ahh the married life
vvlovesu 9
Sounds like you haven't been considerate of her needs.....
graphicstyle7 17
You guys REALLY need to sit down and have a grown-up talk about what she does not like about the sex. Otherwise, you are destined to fail. Sorry, but it's the truth. No one wants to be in a sexless relationship unless they are the kind of person with a very low libido. They deserve love too (with someone of a similar drive) but I'm guessing this may not be the problem.
kawaiichick 9
Pop some painkillers, Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Giddy up !!!
minzzy 8
Is it really that small?
bLundeee 3
Man I wish I got it more then that! I'm a woman and I'm lucky if I get it 2 times a month!!!
Geary519 20
time to step it up in bed brotha
poor_gurll1198 17
Better up your game