Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML
Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Maybe you guys ought to talk about why she's so happy to not have sex with her own husband. Sorry OP :(
saIty 17
**** it. Ignore the pain and rock her world.
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Comments (53)
CueTheMusic 22
Maybe you guys ought to talk about why she's so happy to not have sex with her own husband. Sorry OP :(
LMFAOwned 9
I agree, that's quite a depressing predicament. Issues need to be worked out!
zinoxity 23
Wow man. What's wrong with her? You probably felt bad enough.
rocketiquette 20
Guys can easily turn sex into a chore for women, especially when they beg for 10 mins straight for a ******** which makes you even more reluctant to want to do anything. The key to this guys? Don't care. Don't jump the girl 24/7. Let her jump you, make her want it, let her initiate. Trust me.
Catkam623 27
I'm confused, how would a 21 year old girl know how to seduce married women?
rocketiquette 20
You're not looking at the broader picture sir, please step away from the painting and then look. Also I didn't say this is how to swoon married lasses?
GoodLookingGeese 10
We got it, 31. We see the Big picture. Thanks for this advice.
Catkam623 27
Didn't you say trust me?
emilyjgraham 34
What has her age got to do with it? When it comes down to it many women are more similar than blokes could imagine! A lot of women can feel like they HAVE to have sex with their significant other because they may not stop pestering and I've known some guys to get annoyed if their other half doesn't 'put out'. Sure once you get going it may be fine and dandy but the initial thought can seem like a job! I definitely agree with the poster who said wait for the girls to initiate it! (Not all the time though!)
MoeT8979 8
I think he jus needs to shake things up in the bedroom, try puttin it in her ass
rocketiquette 20
57- I think you need hooked on phonics. Your reading comprehension is whack.
rockstar362 8
I think you successfully ignored the whole part of how he just got in a motorcycle accident...
rocketiquette 20
76- the fml is more focused on how his wife is excited they can't have sex vs the actual accident.
solarrunner 16
Maybe OP is just a bad lover, and sex with him makes her feel bad, sorry OP, but this could be the case.
ICastillo 25
Or maybe OP is hung and it's painful for his wife every time they fornicate.
saIty 17
**** it. Ignore the pain and rock her world.
charlotte608 5
Dingleberg
BlueFlatts 20
Maybe she likes screamers.
token_blackguy 18
Time to trade her in for a new one.
humnahey 5
New girl or bike?
bybib 20
Both?
RedPillSucks 33
New biker-girl!
Albarufus 13
Bring some friends and do some acting as well next time! That might cheer them up. ;)
howdeedoo 22
What?
Reaper5639 16
Say what now?
wtffml1979 22
Huh???
johnnie254 7
Stay on topic, dude!
amillionbucks 5
Well, looks like you're going back to the videos
NickyK 25
It's always better to communicate things. If she was unhappy she should've told you sooner, because that's the only way that would get fixed. Sorry, OP. :(
BlowinChronic 18
Sounds like you've got time now to figure out how to spice up your love life now. Just talk to her about it and see what would make sex more enjoyable for the two of you.
seandoc 13
You must be a terrible lover.