Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
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Top comments
dissapointed101 4
darren would be getting an ass whoopin and he better start cleaning.
greenbox 0
the first that I do when my property gets raped is post on fml. not call the police, but share my story with the Internet.
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Comments (151)
HungerGames95 13
why is this in the sex category...?
kristena103 14
awwaw thats sad i would stab that guy and slap darren
GOttALUVGiNA 0
darren and his mate needs an ass whooping
lalagurl11 6
like my boobs
GVirdi 11
U be taking one for the team huh
Kanashi_fml 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA. This is my favourite FML. My fiancees name is Darren, and I always say this to him :3
bieberfreak18 0
someone needs to learn there adresses
eatsleeprun 1
Your profile says you want to model.... But you have your profile as a boob shot.....
artmastr 0
Ah coming from you it's gonna be a hell of a lot worse so who knows it could've been on purpose.
RaizerBerry 3
You should find that person, smash there windshield, and leave a post-it that says "Your GPS sucks!"
ihatethislyfe 4
this is probably irrelevant but why is this in the intimacy section?