Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
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Top comments
dissapointed101 4
darren would be getting an ass whoopin and he better start cleaning.
greenbox 0
the first that I do when my property gets raped is post on fml. not call the police, but share my story with the Internet.
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Comments (151)
ichikibobivopula 0
ouchness.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Darren is the worst member of the Whitest Kids U Know.
xlord 27
pass on the message?
jglenn88 0
Screw you Darren! Also re dick who tore up my lawn.
jglenn88 0
Screw you Darren! also the dick who yore up my lawn.
NeverShoutDana 13
Why is this under the catagory "Intimacy"?
Temi25 6
do it to his house, and leave the note there
changetheworld 0
Sounds like Darren knocked up the wrrong chick.!
Glitterhinoceros 14
31, idk, maybe cause here was graffiti dicks on his house? But I agree, it shouldn't be under intimacy o.O
scrapmetal58 9
Be grateful they aren't real dicks.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Darren sounds like a badass to be hated on like that.
Trololololololo_fml 7
Call the police, if someone has done this to Darren it's probably something that needs to get checked out. People don't rip up other people's houses just for fun, your neighbor's in some sort of scam.
karinaprism9 4
Holy Crow, bad mental image.
tjv3 10
Karma just made you it's bitch
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Maybe Darren can work his magic and "alohomora, you bastard!" the people that did that? Or give you enough COURAGE to do it yourself...
MrCoolPants 7
Only in australia...
da_cookie_monsta 1
I'm thinking, if they hate him that much, they would most likely come back to see Darren cleaning it up. So, put a giant sign outside your house that says 'Darren lives next door, bitches'. Expect results within three days. Then make Darren clean up your property as well. Ultimate revenge.
KoolKidFly 0
... will someone have the name 'Darren'
dissapointed101 4
darren would be getting an ass whoopin and he better start cleaning.
NomOnShroomz 14
Are you sure it didn't say "suck on this, -Darren"
taazer 12
lol but it could be true :)
a_nutritionist 10
@45 youd think so with the way everyone is blaming darren for this...
BubbaJ80 11
And be paying for everything to be fixed and cleaned
RaggleFrock 13
make Darren help you clean it!
Uraharas_Bankai 1
He will make Darren become his maid
Theringking 1
help????? what are you talking about?????
brenkite 5
No, there is only one solution: kill Darren.
greenbox 0
the first that I do when my property gets raped is post on fml. not call the police, but share my story with the Internet.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
i do that with murders too.
smurfsarwales 9
I do that for terrorist attacks too
Katie_babe 3
Whats to say they haven't called the police before they posted this?? Why would they go into great detail about that on FML? That would just be boring!!
cowboyhater4ever 0
OP could have done that before and then posted about the incident on FML. Dumbass.
martyslurpee18 0
today, i died fml
flockz 20
today, someone died and still posted an FML. FML ZOMBIE INVASION.
brenkite 5
I post zombie invasions on the Internet first
TheMaestro 4
Way to infer sherlock. She has limited space as it is, and it's an fml not a whole explanation of the aftermath.
KelpGelp 1
Maybe he did call the police and THEN posted the fml. It starts with "Today" not "1 second ago" Dumbass.
da_cookie_monsta 1
It's a joke, guys.
ZER0SI6KSSE7EN 0
GUYS, CALM YOUR BALLS!! it was a joke
mattyboonie 0
chill..
starkiller731 2
Oops, my bad bro.
25shark 5
love ur pic
25shark 5
luv ur pic
Aurorah 3
Your picture is amazing.
starkiller731 2
thank you :]
flubahogin 7
agreed
ksib 0
time to woop some ass
ayooBrandon 12
it was a honest mistake
ThanksKarma 0
Let's hope when something of yours gets completely ruined that will be their "honest mistake."
Harmonyx 4
Your picture is amazing ayooBrandon. (:
ayooBrandon 12
it was a honest mistake
dagray40 7
well did Darren suck on it
Livinia 11
....At least your name's not Darren (:
chaoticnh 0
I didn't think anything optimistic could come of this, good stuff :)!
dhaworth93 8
hey lol hmu ;)