Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially, "Kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML
Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML
Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML
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Top comments
Lauren10102 3
So, what are you waiting for! Go join them!!!
allmidnighteyes 11
or, you know, you just happen to be denser than a brick of osmium and your brain lacks the ability to properly process words longer than two letters in length.
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Comments (146)
Lauren10102 3
So, what are you waiting for! Go join them!!!
MrFlintstone 5
op open your window and yell y'all dang children done woke up the whole neighborhood gosh darn it!!!!!
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
cos that won't sound weird especially since op is from the uk
Trupe 3
I love how OP said "rudimentary knob" lol
dolphincheddar 10
jolly good chap, I would be quite entertained by this rudimentary activity, I shall join you and your blokes shortly after my daily earl gray tea and raisin biscuits
imthatguythatdid 0
only part of this FML that stood out was "**** FLAPS" and then I laughed my ass off
trickster873 5
At 14 what does your avatars interestingly placed caption? :P and man that sucks OP i'd get out ASAP
freshV43 0
What are u waiting for the dicks won't spray paint themselves!!
gurpreet 5
lol, yeah you know what they say if you can't beat em' join em' !
juicedboi 7
I don't care how you approach the situation as long as before you're done, you say "guvnah". But if you need advice on what to do, I suggest screaming out "you're both rudimentary knobs!" and proceeding to close your window and go back to sleep.
TheRealPeter 6
I would of joined, maybe call one of the moms a **** FLAP. But that's just me.
scrapmetal58 9
34 - just so's ya knows a biscuit is the same as a cookie. A raisin scone is what you would have with a cup of tea. Scones are damned good too. Crumpets are amazing. Now I'm hungry. Bloody hell.
prince122 0
66- they do in Russia.
mfmylifesrsly 30
96 - kids don't just have this problem...I sometimes draw them too :/
MrFlintstone 5
18 that's the point 61 it's says there is a dog driving the car
RastaMan9 8
ha ha, this was on a RWJ video KEEP ON TROLLING :)
Philliesfan9391 3
So, what's the problem?
savanh_fml 0
exactly what is the problem
Crash_1524 0
I don't get it.
goshpeople 4
Don't feel too bad. It took me a moment to realize that "knob" means "penis" in this FML. The OP is from the United Kingdom.
schaflava 0
Brits, being the inbred people they typically are, have tiny dicks and stretched vaginas. or no?
bellakaykid 6
Don't worry, I didn't either.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
Comment moderated.
sourgirl101 29
Great! now I feel like a perv because I knew right away what a rudimentary knob was!(:
goshpeople 4
I think it was the close vicinity of the words "knob" and "door" that momentarily confused my brain.
jackien1 6
oh wow. I didn't realize that. I thought op meant a real door knob. man I'm silly.
SGT_DBL 15
Knob I get. I'm trying to figure out what kind of insult a "**** flap" is supposed to be. That seems to me to be along the same lines as calling someone an ass cheek or the patch of grass some dog crap landed on. Its not a good thing for sure, but I wouldn't rate it as being the most logical of insults.
Vegangeekgirl 2
Thanks! Now it finally makes sense, I was so confused before about why there was a knob involved.
ImaCanuck 0
well, I guess you need to get a hobby.
rainbowfailure 2
how is this an f YOUR life? this is funny.
HelloNoora1 0
Somebody watches raywilliamjohnson
Nashiq 8
Haha, I agree.
rayrayray23 1
that's harsh dude:/
kaylarosevear_ 2
I don't quite see how your life is ****** from this..
chimcharx3 15
trololololol
Black_Letter 19
Scoff
okiidokii_fml 6
the point is she has no reason to get up in the morning because she a depressed loser
daysgoby902 6
well that's a little rude
allenye818 2
judgmental much?
PunkkRockk 7
You're sad and alone, aren't you?
Hockeyboy4280 18
8- Maybe she has nothing going on today. Maybe she's feeling lazy. You're insinuating that she's a "Depressed loser" for not getting out of bed? Jesus, during weekends and schoolbreaks, the only reason I get out of bed is to go to sports. Does this mean I'm a "depressed loser"?
tona01 16
hey that sounds like fun!!!!!!
rayrayray23 1
you sound like fun
volley4eva1698 0
and you sound like a creep
iAmScrubs 19
and you sound like a person calling someone a creep.
hiyourcute 0
And I sound like a combo breaker...
rayrayray23 1
what a n00b
iPoopMusic 0
Why did you have to **** it up?!?!
PrimeStarscream 30
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
idontcare8l 3
did we honesly need to know that you laughed